After winter/death, comes spring/resurrection

On this early Easter morning, I was truly blessed by God in reading from a little book called, Song of Songs by Watchman Nee.

This little book is about God’s love for those who believe in Him and drawing them closer to Him. It is inspired by the book Song of Songs in the Bible.

Last night before sleep I read the following.

“ In whatsoever circumstances you may be you can trust and believe in the ever-abiding presence of the Lord.

~ “The winter is past”. ~ Winter is gloomy and cold and not conducive to growth.  It represents a time of testing in which there is little to cheer.

~ “Those many testings and trials are now all behind you because of your living sense of My abiding presence.” ~ 

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This morning I read this:

“The reference to flowers, birds, turtle-doves, and so on are an appeal by the Lord to His loved one to stand on resurrection ground. Verses 12-13 of chapter 2 speak of the abundant resurrection life which, like the spring, follows winter. The Lord desires this loved one of His to realize that she must not repeatedly focus her attention on the death, gloominess and witheredness of winter in the soul.

~ “The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come”. ~ Flowers are adornments of beauty.  Birds represent the voice of happy song.  Flowers are on the ground, while birds sing their song in the sky.  Flowers express art; birds give forth music.  According to Matthew 6, flowers and birds are objects of God’s special care, and they express a heavenly message.  They manifest heavenly beauty and set forth very sweet praise – the true elements of resurrection life.”

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Reading this above was gift to me this Easter morning from Jesus, my God. Last night was kind of rough. I prayed, cried, went to bed to read, prayed some more then slept really good. I read about winter/death last night and spring/resurrection this morning. This is another one of those times where God was working all things out as today is the celebration of His resurrection.  This was thrilling to me and I just had to write this out in hopes that it will help others in a ‘winter’ period in their lives.

Trust in God, be of good courage, wait on Him and you will not be disappointed.  He is drawing you closer to Him.

Happy Easter ~ FlowerLady Lorraine

A confession

 

I have a confession to make. This journey is rough, harder than you can even think imaginable. Tomorrow morning will make 16 weeks since my dear husband went to be with Jesus.

I have good days and not so good days. My faith in Jesus has not wavered, but the other day after walking around in a pretty bad ‘fog’ for a couple of days, and feeling overwhelmed, I told Jesus “Sometimes I just want to die.  This is so ‘hard’ Jesus. You know what I am going through and I’m sorry for feeling this way, forgive me.”

Each morning when I wake I am hit again by the ‘blast’ of realization of, he’s not here, then I ask Jesus to bless my day, and to lead me in the way I should go.

I heard another good song the other day, ‘Good to be Alive’ by Jason Gray.  God has a plan for me, and I need to relax in His tender loving care, watching what unfolds with each new day.

 

He has already lead me to a wonderful Christian widow’s group called ‘Friends Needing Friends’ this past week. I found out about it online, and when I got there I met up with two ladies I’ve known in the past, and have not seen for many years.  My husband knew both of them before he and I even met. The older lady was a friend of his mother’s.  The other lady is my age.  Besides being sisters in Christ, we are now sisters in widowhood, growing in God’s grace. 

This group meets once a month and I can hardly wait to see all of these ladies again. You can read more in my main blog here, Easter Week Blessings.

Searching for the tune above this morning I came across another song by this young man and it also touched my heart.

A Way to See in the Dark - Jason Gray

 

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.

Psalms 119:105

For with thee is the fountain of life: in thy light shall we see light.

Psalms 36:9

Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying,
I am the light of the world:
he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness,
but shall have the light of life.

John 8:12

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The only way through to the end of this earthly journey,
is to trust and hope in Jesus.
He continually strengthens me by reading His word. 
He hears my every prayer,
knows my every thought,
forgives all my sins.

***

It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed,
because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning:
great is thy faithfulness.
The LORD is my portion, saith my soul;
therefore will I hope in him.
The LORD is good unto them that wait for him,
to the soul that seeketh him.
It is good
that a man should both hope and quietly wait
for the salvation of the LORD.

Lamentations 3:22-26

Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits:
Who forgiveth all thine iniquities;
who healeth all thy diseases;
Who redeemeth thy life from destruction;
who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things;
so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Psa 103:2-5

Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning;
for in thee do I trust:
cause me to know the way wherein I should walk;
for I lift up my soul unto thee.
Psalms 143:8

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Thank you Jesus for loving me
in spite of my failings each and every day. 
Thank you for drawing me closer to you.
Amen

FlowerLady

Triggers

What is it that triggers you to break down sobbing or crying softly? You never know what these might be. The other day it was a piece in the mail that called me the beneficiary. The tears flowed and I talked to myself out loud, “Beneficiary? How am I a beneficiary, (one that receives a benefit), losing my husband and best friend? "

Things were already in both of our names, but my husband’s leaving this life, makes me sole beneficiary of what was ours. Nothing being put solely into my name can replace him and what he meant to me.

The only way I feel that I am a beneficiary, is in what I am receiving from God at this time.  He is The Great Benefactor. He supplies my every need, and everything He does is for my good and His ultimate glory. He knows much better than I do as to what I need. To me, the main thing I need in my life is Him. Without Him I would be in the depths of despair. With Him I have hope.

These ‘triggers’ of tears can happen at any time, sometimes you don’t even know why, the tears just flow, or the sobs burst forth from your very soul. They can be caused by words, a scent, a song, pictures, colors, seeing older couples together, seeing young couples together,  sometimes there is no rhyme or reason.

Dear Jesus let me rest in your tender loving care, 24/7. Let me realize that ‘triggers’ release this pent up, deep grief through my tears, which you then bottle up, as they are precious to you.

Thank you for my growing through grief, may I do so graciously. It is not always easy, and it is lonely. Thank you for not leaving me alone as you have promised to all who believe in you. You are with us every step of the way.  Thank you.

FlowerLady

Verse for today.

 

This was given to me in two different devotional readings this morning. I would say Jesus is trying to impress this in my heart and mind.

***

Take therefore no thought for the morrow:

for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.

Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. 

Mat 6:34

How Precious…

I was working on a project last year but didn’t finish it, hopefully I will this year.

I love working with needles and thread, or hooks and thread. Fine threads I really like to use in crocheting. My dear husband called me Crochet Lady and Bead Lady, besides Flower Lady. He took a photo of me as I was embroidering in my little space.  He told me he loved to hear me in here humming as I worked, because I sounded happy.

Times have changed. He went away, to a different home with God his Maker. He’s no longer here to show my projects to. He no longer gives me verbal encouragement, or ideas.  It’s not quite the same creating now as it was when he was here. Nothing is the same.

I know though that he would want me to continue doing things I enjoy doing, like gardening, cooking and needleworking. So, I have been and it is comforting to me. Oh how I miss him though, more than words can say.

This is the photo he took of me and some of my creations.

My work space.

He would have liked these beaded edgings. I ordered a wonderful book of patterns for part of my Christmas and just got around to making  these.

This is a work in progress.  I’m going to use the bottom edging in photo above on this piece.

More edgings made in the last week or so.

Below is the piece that I was working on last year. Little did I know that this scripture would become more meaningful to me before last year’s end. It’s been a favorite of ours for years.

I’ve still more sand/beads to add, and maybe a few more little shells too. 

We must never forget just how much God loves us. More than we can fathom.

We lost our dear husbands, but we didn’t lose the talents God gave us. Whatever you enjoyed doing before your husband left this life, try to ease back into it. It will be soothing and you will be creating. We were created in the Great Creators image, He loved to create and is still creating. Let us joyfully use the gifts God has blessed us with and be thankful.

Happy creating and happy living a life filled with God’s love, strength, peace and hope in Him for our futures, whatever may be in them.

FlowerLady Lorraine

Never alone

Recently I awoke at 3 a.m. and couldn’t go back to sleep. I turned on the light, put on my glasses and picked up my Bible and randomly opened it and it opened to the the two following verses, which were underlined in my Bible.

Two are better than one;
because they have a good reward for their labour.
For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow:
but woe to him that is alone when he falleth;
for he hath not another to help him up.
Ecc 4:9-10

I thought to myself, ‘Oh this is just great! Now I’m all alone, how is this supposed to work now that my dear husband and best friend is gone?’ (Somewhat sarcastically I might add.) Then immediately it came to me that I am NOT alone, Jesus, my God, is with me 100% of the time. He has promised to never leave or forsake me.  I asked Jesus to forgive me and took in His words and felt calmed.

God has ways of speaking His truths to us, through our grieving. Even when what we read brings to mind what we are missing now that our husbands are gone.

God loves us dearly, we widows are very special to Him. Let us remember His promises, tucking them away into our hearts.

******

Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. Deu_31:6

I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. Joshua 1:5

Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. Hebrews 13:5

Sincerely ~ FlowerLady Lorraine

Three months ago today …

my dear husband went to be with Jesus, His Lord and Maker. How wonderful is that? To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, instantly.

I still have times of tears, gentle sometimes and heart wrenching sobs other times. But, my faith and heart have been strengthened in my weaknesses by Jesus, God Almighty Himself.

I’ve been reading my little devotional ‘Jesus Calling’ and from God’s own word and I am being fed much that keeps me filled with His love and peace.

Other books have been a great source of help too. I am reading “Postcards from the Widows’ Path” by Ferree Hardy, “The Widow Directed to the Widow’s God” by John Angell James, writings by Octavius Winslow and J.R. Miller.  All spiritually uplifting to me.

I continue to ‘putter’ (to busy or occupy oneself in a leisurely, casual manner), in my gardens, in our little cottage and with projects. While I putter I can talk with Jesus, as He is beside me, whether I’m washing dishes, hanging up the laundry, pulling weeds, being creative with needles, hooks, threads and beads. He is my constant, loving companion.  He is with me when I get in my van and head out into the traffic of the world as I go about errands or on my way to and from work.

Three months ago today, I was in a real daze, losing my best and dearest friend, the love of my life. I had already been grieving for four months as our life drastically changed that night in August when my husband had those horrific cramps in his neck.  That was only the beginning of the end of his life here on earth. As he steadily grew weaker, our life as it had been was put on hold, and as it turns out, it was over. We were unable to work on any more projects together, he became bedridden. But, during those last 4 months together, we prayed, talked, laughed some, cried and  I read the Bible out loud. We grew spiritually and we also grew more in love than we had ever been.  That was a gift from our heavenly Father, and for that I am ever thankful.

Heaven is more wonderful than we can even imagine, and that’s is where my dear husband is. I can just see him there, all excited and joyous to be with Jesus, his eyes twinkling and that is reason for me to celebrate and get up and go about my daily business each and every day.  One day we will be reunited, and until then, I want to live and grow older gracefully in the love and healing presence of Jesus.

 

May your feel God’s love, peace and strength flowing through and surrounding you in all things.

FlowerLady Lorraine

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Be strong and of a good courage, fear not…

for the LORD thy God,

He it is that doth go with thee;

He will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. 

Deu_31:6

Because He Lives

 

Even if …

God works in mysterious ways.

This morning I was going to do all errands, as I didn’t do them yesterday. At the last minute I decided to just go to the bank and come back home.

On the way home a song came on that I’d not heard before, as I’m new to listening to the Christian radio station. The name of the song is ‘Even if’ by Kutlass. The words spoke deeply to this broken heart of mine that is slowly being healed.

When I got home I looked it up on You-tube so that I could share it. When I previewed it in Windows Live Writer, the date at the top of the preview said Sunday 9 Dec. 2012. Oh my goodness, I broke into sobs as this was the day that my dear husband went to be with Jesus, His maker, Lord and King.

Hearing this song today was no coincidence. My husband and I prayed, hoped and trusted in Jesus for healing those 4 months he was ill, but God had other plans. In the end my husband was ready to go and I had to let him go, even though I didn’t want to.

I truly believe that God does work all things out for good. We will know all when we see Jesus. Until then, may we continually believe in Him for all things, even when we can’t stand the heartache and pain.

I am thankful to God for working it out so that I heard this song today.

FlowerLady Lorraine

 

One minute up, the next down

It is amazing to me, this grieving. One minute you can feel so positive, feel ready to do something then after you do it with joy and thanksgiving you come crashing down into a bit of depression.

The tears are like a never ending fountain that turns on whenever it feels like it. They can sometimes be gentle and at other times you sob your heart out all over again. The good thing though is this, Jesus bottles up all of our tears, and they are in his safe keeping. And once you’ve cried out for the moment, you feel more normal again, at least I do.

There are so many dreams, memories, laughs, conversations, etc. surrounding me from our 43 years of marriage. I am glad I have them, but to not be making more of them with my dear husband really gets to me at times and seems so overwhelming.  It will be three months since he went home to be with Jesus.  That seems short sometimes and like an eternity at other times.

Everyday has it’s anxieties, it’s happy moments. Times of faith and times of doubt. Going to God in prayer and reading his word will lift us up continually. He is the author and finisher of our faith.

I will close today’s post with the following scripture. May we let God speak to us through them and calm our anxious hearts.

FlowerLady Lorraine

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But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.  ~ Mat 6:6

I love the LORD, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications.
 
Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him as long as I live.
 
The sorrows of death compassed me, and the pains of hell gat hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow.
 
Then called I upon the name of the LORD; O LORD, I beseech thee, deliver my soul.
 
Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; yea, our God is merciful.
 
The LORD preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.
 
Return unto thy rest, O my soul;
for the LORD hath dealt bountifully with thee.

Psalms 116:1-7

Therefore I say unto you,
Take no thought for your life,
what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink;
nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on.
Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?  Mat 6:25

Take therefore no thought for the morrow:
for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.
Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.  Mat 6:34

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.  Php_4:6

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.  2Ti 1:7

I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.  2Ti 1:12

Not Alone

 

On the way home from work yesterday, this song blasted right into my heart and tears flowed once again.

Not Alone ~ by Red

 

for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.  Hebrews 13:5

Strong Tower

 

On my way to work this morning I heard this song.  It was just what I needed, as I’d already had a crying jag at home before leaving for work, not sure what caused it, but I just let the tears flow and called on Jesus.

The words, especially this part below really spoke to my heart:.

You are my strong tower
Shelter over me
Beautiful and mighty
Everlasting King

 

 

For thou hast been a shelter for me,

and a strong tower from the enemy. 

Psalms 61:3

 
The name of the LORD is a strong tower:

the righteous runneth into it,

and is safe.

Proverbs 18:10

***

With God as our strong tower we always have a place to feel safe, loved and cherished.

Grief sneaks up on you, for me there is nowhere to turn but to Jesus.

***

Jesus =

Wonderful,

Counsellor,

The mighty God,

The everlasting Father,

The Prince of Peace

King of Kings

Husband

***

FlowerLady Lorraine

Routines and Whatever you do…

 

do it heartily as unto the Lord. Col. 3:23

I just heard the young husbands’ truck start up across the street as he heads off to work. He leaves at the same time each work day morning. This morning I heard it and felt sad, as there is no more routine for my husband or routine as an ‘us’. I have to find my own routine and I really haven’t yet.

Although, I do get up and read from ‘Jesus Calling’ and my Bible and write some in my journal first thing.  It is a good way to fill me up with God’s love, peace and strength for the day. Other than that, I go with the flow.

On days I work at my part time job, I do a few things before leaving for work then head off out into the hectic world that we live in. I would love to make money from home. I have my little Etsy shop but closed it down right after my husband went to be with Jesus as I just couldn’t handle it right then.

It is hard for me to get back into a creative mode, when so many things are rumbling around in my head about things to take care of around here. One verse of scripture that I must keep close to my heart is  ~ Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1Pe_5:7

As I go about my day, sometimes in a semi-fog, may I learn to ask for his guidance  for  even the smallest thing as I grope my way here in the beginning of this new stage of this journey of life without my dear husband and best friend.

God has helped me in little things and I have been filled with joy and thanksgiving with each one. I know he will help me in bigger things also.

I want to do ‘everything heartily as unto the Lord.’

I will close with the following:

It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed,

because his compassions fail not.

They are new every morning:

great is thy faithfulness.

The LORD is my portion, saith my soul;

therefore will I hope in him.
 
The LORD is good unto them that wait for him,

to the soul that seeketh him.
 
It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait

for the salvation of the LORD.

Lam 3:22-26

***

Continue to wait on and hope in the Lord.

FlowerLady Lorraine