Fall is in the air

Here it is another September, today happens to be the first day of fall. Hurray! September 8th was our 46th anniversary. It is hard to believe my dear husband and best friend has been gone 33 1/2 months.

Oh how I miss my love every single day. As a fresh widow grief was so ‘raw’, then there’s the ‘widow’s fog’ that lasted for over 2 years for me, then reality really settles in. That’s where I am now.

It’s not easy to get used to. I rely on Jesus daily for His strength to get me through each day. To give me peace, to give me joy in my sorrow.

Knowing my husband is with Jesus is wonderful. He is with Almighty God, that is awesome. I can only imagine how fantastic that must be.

Meanwhile, every day for me is a day of taking one step at a time. Some days are better than others.

Now that cooler weather is coming, I’m thinking of projects I want to do outside and inside. I’ve got some you-tube videos to watch for painting my little cottage.  A project that will be done one wall or one section at a time. Prep work will be the worst part.

The journey of widowhood is all about faith.  Faith in Jesus for taking care of me. He knows all of my needs better than I do.

We have a crowd of witnesses in heaven who lived by faith and they are cheering us on. We can do it, just as they did, by faith. God is our strength and they know that. We just need to keep our focus on Jesus and not on things of this world. We need to do our best and not sweat the small stuff.

We are to give our worries and fears to Jesus, something we can give Him each day, as many times as we need to. He is longing to take our burdens, He wants us to have His peace. He longs to bless us and does.

He blesses us with beauty, music, scents, laughter, friends, family, colors, good food, changing seasons, His glorious creation, so much to enjoy.

Let us rejoice in the gift of each new day and be glad in it. One day we will be with our loved ones again, and we will all praise Jesus for all that He has done, is doing, and what He will do for each and every one of us.

Be of good courage, all who hope in the Lord.

FlowerLady

Still moving forward

 

Each new day is a gift! We can either wallow in self-pity, or be thankful to God for his many blessings in our life. It’s been eight months now since my dear husband went to be with his Maker and while I still miss him every single day, I am not as distraught as I was at first.

Jesus has been my strength, seeing me through every step of my journey. He is filling my life with his love, peace and strength. I still have times of tears, but I also have times of thankfulness and joy for the 43 years of marriage we had.

I am going through things, doing some rearranging and making forward progress in this new life I’m living. I ask Jesus for help and he gives it. I am excited about an indoor project I am working on and while doing this have found some real treasures in artwork done by my husband. I’ve come across other things too and my love for him continues to grow even though he’s no longer here. God blessed me by answering my prayer as a young girl when I prayed for Him to send me someone who loved me and someone for me to love as well.

On the 8th of next month is the anniversary of our marriage, it would have been our 44th.  I still plan to fix a nice dinner, as I always did, to celebrate the love and our life that God blessed us with.  I am thankful.

I am also thankful for this time in my life of drawing closer to Jesus. He brought me to where I am, he knows all that I am going through and he knows what he as in store for me.

MKJV ~ Jer 29:11 ~ For I know the purposes which I am purposing for you, says Jehovah; purposes of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

I want to rest daily in God’s tender loving care, to grow in his grace.

May you do the same.

FlowerLady Lorraine

Moving along, one step at a time

 

I can’t believe it’s been a month since I posted in this blog.  I post regularly in my main blog FlowerLady’s Musings, as I have followers there who have become friends and like family to me since I started blogging in 2008. They have been following our projects, etc. and have been a tremendous source of support, love, encouragement since losing my dear husband. They want to hear about how I am doing day to day.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss my husband, and the tears flow whenever they feel like it.   But, I am settling into my new groove, continuing to trust God to work all things out. It’s a moment to moment trusting God, one step at a time.

Being a part of the widow’s group, FNF ~ Friends Needing Friends ~ has really been a blessing to me. God led me to them for His purpose, His honor and glory. My prayer is to be able to help other widows in this journey that we are on.

Every day is a new day, in this adventure, where we can trust in God or wallow in our despair. He is not done with us yet, we have much to live for, and much living to do. He works through our grief to bring others to Him. He will give us joy once again, I see glimpses of it, and knowing my husband is with Him, fills my heart with joy.

Let us all remember to:

“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart;

and lean not unto thine own understanding.”

Proverbs 3:5

***

FlowerLady

Serenity

What is serenity? I did a Google search and here is what I came up with.

Definition: The state or quality of being serene

the absence of mental stress or anxiety

Thesaurus:
peace of mind, peacefulness, repose, peace, heartsease
quietude, quietness, tranquility - a state of peace and quiet

Most of us have heard of the Serenity Prayer. We are very familiar with the first part. I cross-stitched it for my late MIL when I was a newlywed living in Spain. My husband framed it in the base hobby shop, and we mailed it to her and it hung in her kitchen until the estate was settled after my late FIL passed away.  It is now hanging in my kitchen.

I looked at it this morning as I was pouring my coffee, and sighed. “Serenity”, That is definitely something I need in my life. I have moments of it throughout my days, but I wish to have it continually.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Reinhold Niebuhr

***

I can only have this serenity

by trusting in God all day long

in everything that comes my way.

***

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart,
and lean not upon thine own understanding:
In all thy ways acknowledge him,
and he shall direct thy paths.
Pro 3:5-6

***

Take my yoke upon you,
and learn of me;
for I am meek and lowly in heart:
and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  
For my yoke is easy,
and my burden is light.

Mat 11:29-30

I am into my 6th month in this journey of widowhood. I am learning as I go along.  Every day is a gift. I am ‘puttering’ in my home and gardens, in my husbands workshop, getting into different routines, living without my ‘love’ of 43 years.  I am being drawn closer to God, and that is priceless. He is with me every step of the way. He blesses me and teaches me.  He loves me. My husband is in His presence, rejoicing in God’s greatness. He knows that all is working out, while in my earthly existence I am still trusting and hoping. 

And we know that to them that love God
all things work together for good,
even to them that are called
according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

***

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,
saith the LORD,
thoughts of peace,
and not of evil,
to give you hope in your latter end.
Jer 29:11

***

Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning;
for in thee do I trust:
cause me to know the way wherein I should walk;
for I lift up my soul unto thee.
Psa 143:8

 

In your name dear Jesus I pray,

FlowerLady

Projects

 

These past 4 months have been rough without my dear husband.  The missing him is awful.  Half of me is gone, the half that was courageous, who could do just about anything he set his mind to. He enjoyed figuring things out, drawing up plans or having creative ideas and then making them come to be. I enjoyed helping him with everything.  We were a team, a team that worked well together. I’m not saying we were perfect by any stretch of the imagination, we bickered, apologized, forgave and moved on.  Love covers a multitude of sins.

I need and want to do things, to get things accomplished that we started. I now have to make the decisions myself, have to motivate myself and that comes hard.  I can work in the gardens, or with my needlework, or cooking, no problem there, but all of this other stuff that we did together, is much harder.

I keep telling myself that there are plenty of women living alone that do all kinds of things and I can too.  I can hear my husband saying, “Come on Rainey, you can do it, you’re a ‘mountainy woman’, a very good and hard worker. You have ideas, talents, and you can accomplish much, even though I’m not there to help you physically.”  (A ‘mountainy woman’ is one who is not afraid of hard work, who gets out there and helps where she is needed, our definition.)

I’m making a list of things I need and want to do and look forward to doing them.  I just need to start with one project and keep going, until my list is just filled with new projects I want to try or do.

My husband loved working with his hands and I watched and helped him do all kinds of building projects in our 43 years and I know some of that is lodged in my brain.

Grief has a way of deadening your senses at first, so much so that all you can do is basically what you have to do. Yesterday afternoon a peaceful, excited feeling came over me, I can’t really explain it, and for all I know it will come and go, but it was there and I still feel it today.

I am going to start taking care of things that I’ve let slide and go from there.  Jesus will be with me all the way. He is my strength, my motivation, I can do all things through Him.

Life is to be lived every day as best we can.  It is to be enjoyed and be thankful for. Life is not over, it is different, it is continuing. I do not want to lose faith I want to be more faithful and thankful for all of the blessings I’m being given and for the lessons I am learning. God is Almighty and He is working all things out in my life.

Here are some verses for me today, maybe they will be a blessing in your life too. These are taken from the KJV of the Bible.

And whatsoever ye do,
do it heartily,
as to the Lord
Col 3:23 

Every wise woman buildeth her house:
Pro 14:1 

Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might;
Ecc 9:10 

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. 
Phillipians 4:13

And such trust have we through Christ to God-ward:
Not that we are sufficient of ourselves
to think any thing as of ourselves;
but our sufficiency is of God;  
2Corinthians 3:4-5

******

Dear Jesus ~ May I continually seek you and your guidance through your word.  Thank you and Amen.

FlowerLady

A confession

 

I have a confession to make. This journey is rough, harder than you can even think imaginable. Tomorrow morning will make 16 weeks since my dear husband went to be with Jesus.

I have good days and not so good days. My faith in Jesus has not wavered, but the other day after walking around in a pretty bad ‘fog’ for a couple of days, and feeling overwhelmed, I told Jesus “Sometimes I just want to die.  This is so ‘hard’ Jesus. You know what I am going through and I’m sorry for feeling this way, forgive me.”

Each morning when I wake I am hit again by the ‘blast’ of realization of, he’s not here, then I ask Jesus to bless my day, and to lead me in the way I should go.

I heard another good song the other day, ‘Good to be Alive’ by Jason Gray.  God has a plan for me, and I need to relax in His tender loving care, watching what unfolds with each new day.

 

He has already lead me to a wonderful Christian widow’s group called ‘Friends Needing Friends’ this past week. I found out about it online, and when I got there I met up with two ladies I’ve known in the past, and have not seen for many years.  My husband knew both of them before he and I even met. The older lady was a friend of his mother’s.  The other lady is my age.  Besides being sisters in Christ, we are now sisters in widowhood, growing in God’s grace. 

This group meets once a month and I can hardly wait to see all of these ladies again. You can read more in my main blog here, Easter Week Blessings.

Searching for the tune above this morning I came across another song by this young man and it also touched my heart.

A Way to See in the Dark - Jason Gray

 

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.

Psalms 119:105

For with thee is the fountain of life: in thy light shall we see light.

Psalms 36:9

Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying,
I am the light of the world:
he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness,
but shall have the light of life.

John 8:12

************

The only way through to the end of this earthly journey,
is to trust and hope in Jesus.
He continually strengthens me by reading His word. 
He hears my every prayer,
knows my every thought,
forgives all my sins.

***

It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed,
because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning:
great is thy faithfulness.
The LORD is my portion, saith my soul;
therefore will I hope in him.
The LORD is good unto them that wait for him,
to the soul that seeketh him.
It is good
that a man should both hope and quietly wait
for the salvation of the LORD.

Lamentations 3:22-26

Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits:
Who forgiveth all thine iniquities;
who healeth all thy diseases;
Who redeemeth thy life from destruction;
who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things;
so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Psa 103:2-5

Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning;
for in thee do I trust:
cause me to know the way wherein I should walk;
for I lift up my soul unto thee.
Psalms 143:8

***********

Thank you Jesus for loving me
in spite of my failings each and every day. 
Thank you for drawing me closer to you.
Amen

FlowerLady

Grief is like a roller coaster ride . . .

with highs and lows, but unlike a roller coaster, you cannot predict or see when the next up or down will be, you just have to go with the flow.

This morning I felt the heaviness coming over me, building up until it overflowed. I went out and sat on the bench under the bedroom window looking out into the main garden, taking in the birdsong and the gentle breezes and talking to Jesus, letting the tears flow and thanking him for his blessings and asking him again to be my strength and comfort. Every day is a day to be lived and gotten through as best one can. With God all things are possible, and He is our comfort and our strength.

When I was getting ready for work I stuck the little book ‘Come Away My Beloved’ by Frances J. Roberts into my bag. After I settled in here at work, I pulled it out to see what might speak to my heart at this time.  Here it is below.

******

One Day at a Time

O My child, hast thou known the way of the Lord, and canst thou trust Him now? Nothing shall befall thee but such as cometh from His hand. None shall set upon thee to hurt thee, for thy God hath built about thee a wall of fire.

Be content with what each day bringeth, rejoicing in thy God, for surely He it is who shall deliver thee and He it is who hath brought thee thither.

His way is discernable to the eye of faith. His heart is surely thy strong tower.  In His affection thou has security. In His love is thy hope and thy peace.

Do not question and do not doubt.  Each day holdeth some small joy that shall escape thee if thou art preoccupied with tomorrow.

Nothing daunts thy Father. Nothing can restore the past and nothing can bind the future, but today thou mayest live in the full blessing of the Father's smile. Hold to His Words, for they are as a nail driven in a sure place.  All else may seem shifting and non-permanent, but His Word is firm. It is a rock that shall not be moved.  It is a firm place to stand.

Do not walk in the path of human reason, and resist the pressures that would project thee into conjectures of the future. Live one day at a time! Suffice it to keep thee occupied simply striving to bring joy to the Father's heart. For ye know that He loveth  thee, and ye shall fine thy peace as thou resteth in Him. 

From ~ Come Away My Beloved by Frances J. Roberts. Published by Barbour Publishing, Inc. Used by permission.

One day at a time