Projects

 

These past 4 months have been rough without my dear husband.  The missing him is awful.  Half of me is gone, the half that was courageous, who could do just about anything he set his mind to. He enjoyed figuring things out, drawing up plans or having creative ideas and then making them come to be. I enjoyed helping him with everything.  We were a team, a team that worked well together. I’m not saying we were perfect by any stretch of the imagination, we bickered, apologized, forgave and moved on.  Love covers a multitude of sins.

I need and want to do things, to get things accomplished that we started. I now have to make the decisions myself, have to motivate myself and that comes hard.  I can work in the gardens, or with my needlework, or cooking, no problem there, but all of this other stuff that we did together, is much harder.

I keep telling myself that there are plenty of women living alone that do all kinds of things and I can too.  I can hear my husband saying, “Come on Rainey, you can do it, you’re a ‘mountainy woman’, a very good and hard worker. You have ideas, talents, and you can accomplish much, even though I’m not there to help you physically.”  (A ‘mountainy woman’ is one who is not afraid of hard work, who gets out there and helps where she is needed, our definition.)

I’m making a list of things I need and want to do and look forward to doing them.  I just need to start with one project and keep going, until my list is just filled with new projects I want to try or do.

My husband loved working with his hands and I watched and helped him do all kinds of building projects in our 43 years and I know some of that is lodged in my brain.

Grief has a way of deadening your senses at first, so much so that all you can do is basically what you have to do. Yesterday afternoon a peaceful, excited feeling came over me, I can’t really explain it, and for all I know it will come and go, but it was there and I still feel it today.

I am going to start taking care of things that I’ve let slide and go from there.  Jesus will be with me all the way. He is my strength, my motivation, I can do all things through Him.

Life is to be lived every day as best we can.  It is to be enjoyed and be thankful for. Life is not over, it is different, it is continuing. I do not want to lose faith I want to be more faithful and thankful for all of the blessings I’m being given and for the lessons I am learning. God is Almighty and He is working all things out in my life.

Here are some verses for me today, maybe they will be a blessing in your life too. These are taken from the KJV of the Bible.

And whatsoever ye do,
do it heartily,
as to the Lord
Col 3:23 

Every wise woman buildeth her house:
Pro 14:1 

Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might;
Ecc 9:10 

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. 
Phillipians 4:13

And such trust have we through Christ to God-ward:
Not that we are sufficient of ourselves
to think any thing as of ourselves;
but our sufficiency is of God;  
2Corinthians 3:4-5

******

Dear Jesus ~ May I continually seek you and your guidance through your word.  Thank you and Amen.

FlowerLady

Triggers

What is it that triggers you to break down sobbing or crying softly? You never know what these might be. The other day it was a piece in the mail that called me the beneficiary. The tears flowed and I talked to myself out loud, “Beneficiary? How am I a beneficiary, (one that receives a benefit), losing my husband and best friend? "

Things were already in both of our names, but my husband’s leaving this life, makes me sole beneficiary of what was ours. Nothing being put solely into my name can replace him and what he meant to me.

The only way I feel that I am a beneficiary, is in what I am receiving from God at this time.  He is The Great Benefactor. He supplies my every need, and everything He does is for my good and His ultimate glory. He knows much better than I do as to what I need. To me, the main thing I need in my life is Him. Without Him I would be in the depths of despair. With Him I have hope.

These ‘triggers’ of tears can happen at any time, sometimes you don’t even know why, the tears just flow, or the sobs burst forth from your very soul. They can be caused by words, a scent, a song, pictures, colors, seeing older couples together, seeing young couples together,  sometimes there is no rhyme or reason.

Dear Jesus let me rest in your tender loving care, 24/7. Let me realize that ‘triggers’ release this pent up, deep grief through my tears, which you then bottle up, as they are precious to you.

Thank you for my growing through grief, may I do so graciously. It is not always easy, and it is lonely. Thank you for not leaving me alone as you have promised to all who believe in you. You are with us every step of the way.  Thank you.

FlowerLady

Grief is like a roller coaster ride . . .

with highs and lows, but unlike a roller coaster, you cannot predict or see when the next up or down will be, you just have to go with the flow.

This morning I felt the heaviness coming over me, building up until it overflowed. I went out and sat on the bench under the bedroom window looking out into the main garden, taking in the birdsong and the gentle breezes and talking to Jesus, letting the tears flow and thanking him for his blessings and asking him again to be my strength and comfort. Every day is a day to be lived and gotten through as best one can. With God all things are possible, and He is our comfort and our strength.

When I was getting ready for work I stuck the little book ‘Come Away My Beloved’ by Frances J. Roberts into my bag. After I settled in here at work, I pulled it out to see what might speak to my heart at this time.  Here it is below.

******

One Day at a Time

O My child, hast thou known the way of the Lord, and canst thou trust Him now? Nothing shall befall thee but such as cometh from His hand. None shall set upon thee to hurt thee, for thy God hath built about thee a wall of fire.

Be content with what each day bringeth, rejoicing in thy God, for surely He it is who shall deliver thee and He it is who hath brought thee thither.

His way is discernable to the eye of faith. His heart is surely thy strong tower.  In His affection thou has security. In His love is thy hope and thy peace.

Do not question and do not doubt.  Each day holdeth some small joy that shall escape thee if thou art preoccupied with tomorrow.

Nothing daunts thy Father. Nothing can restore the past and nothing can bind the future, but today thou mayest live in the full blessing of the Father's smile. Hold to His Words, for they are as a nail driven in a sure place.  All else may seem shifting and non-permanent, but His Word is firm. It is a rock that shall not be moved.  It is a firm place to stand.

Do not walk in the path of human reason, and resist the pressures that would project thee into conjectures of the future. Live one day at a time! Suffice it to keep thee occupied simply striving to bring joy to the Father's heart. For ye know that He loveth  thee, and ye shall fine thy peace as thou resteth in Him. 

From ~ Come Away My Beloved by Frances J. Roberts. Published by Barbour Publishing, Inc. Used by permission.

One day at a time