What is it that triggers you to break down sobbing or crying softly? You never know what these might be. The other day it was a piece in the mail that called me the beneficiary. The tears flowed and I talked to myself out loud, “Beneficiary? How am I a beneficiary, (one that receives a benefit), losing my husband and best friend? "
Things were already in both of our names, but my husband’s leaving this life, makes me sole beneficiary of what was ours. Nothing being put solely into my name can replace him and what he meant to me.
The only way I feel that I am a beneficiary, is in what I am receiving from God at this time. He is The Great Benefactor. He supplies my every need, and everything He does is for my good and His ultimate glory. He knows much better than I do as to what I need. To me, the main thing I need in my life is Him. Without Him I would be in the depths of despair. With Him I have hope.
These ‘triggers’ of tears can happen at any time, sometimes you don’t even know why, the tears just flow, or the sobs burst forth from your very soul. They can be caused by words, a scent, a song, pictures, colors, seeing older couples together, seeing young couples together, sometimes there is no rhyme or reason.
Dear Jesus let me rest in your tender loving care, 24/7. Let me realize that ‘triggers’ release this pent up, deep grief through my tears, which you then bottle up, as they are precious to you.
Thank you for my growing through grief, may I do so graciously. It is not always easy, and it is lonely. Thank you for not leaving me alone as you have promised to all who believe in you. You are with us every step of the way. Thank you.
FlowerLady
Never thought of it that way, Rainey. Beneficiary is a strange word to be used for becoming a widow. More like survivor. The tears have to flow, eventually they'll come less frequently and you'll be left with just happy memories. It's all part of the grieving process. Sending you a big old bunny hug in honor of Easter!
ReplyDeleteI just started reading your blog this past week. My husband died unexpectedly on March 26, 2012. He had just turned 49. Thank-you for your honesty as you share this journey of grief with those of us who are fellow travelers.
ReplyDeleteDear Carole ~ I am so sorry for your loss. It is hard being thrust into this new role as widow. I looked to see if you had a blog or an email addy but didn't find either. I do thank you for reading my blog, it has helped me and I really hope and pray it helps others and glorifies God, who loves we widows dearly.
DeleteMay you feel God's love, peace and strength surrounding you and flowing through you at all times.
Love ~ FlowerLady Lorraine
Jane ~ the mail was because I closed out a small mutual fund acct. That's why they used the word beneficiary. It just got to me as so many things do these days.
ReplyDeleteI have LOTS of happy memories too and they also make me cry. I miss my sweetie so much. I do know though that he's with Jesus and we will be reunited one day.
Thanks for the bunny hug. Hugs are priceless.
FlowerLady
Tears are definitely therapeutic and hopefully over time there will fewer of them. A BIG hug to you today!
ReplyDeleteI read once that tears actually have a physical purpose which calms the body. I found that very interesting.
ReplyDeleteYes.. the tears flow at the most unexpected time. :(
Yes, this grief journey is a lonely one. It is made easier, however, by the constant presence of our Jesus. Thank you for sharing your heart with others who grieve - in sharing them you are healing and helping others heal as well.
ReplyDeleteIt is a long process .. grief. And necessary. Praying for you sweet lady.
ReplyDeleteIt’s good your tears flow, Lorraine. I’d never want you to try to keep them bottled up. Still here . . .
ReplyDeleteOh Lorraine you touched my heart. Please email me as I don't have yours. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteHi Lorraine I got to you through Becky who is a follower of mine. I was really touched by her recent post and your Triggers post. I have recently been separated from my wife of 23 years and have a lot of hurts to work through. My new partner, Lea who i love dearly is showing me what love is all about. really sorry that your DH of 43 years is no longer with you. It is great you have your faith to help you through the difficult times. My blog is http://seasonsfullcircle.blogspot.com if you would like to follow my ramblings. I look forward to following your posts!
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