A New Year

Happy 2019 to all of you.  

Well, I made it through another holiday season and year. December was rough, but God was with me every step of the way and I am here to rejoice and be glad in each day that He blesses me with this coming year.

Near the end of last year, sometime in October, I found out about and decided to become a part of a Grief Share session. I highly recommend this program for anyone who has lost a loved one. I couldn’t have done this in the beginning, but the time was right for me to do so now. 

It was good for me to ‘share’ with others. A lot of people do not ‘get’ how people feel, what they are going through, if they have not lost a loved one themselves. As a widow who has gone through 6 years of this phase of my life’s journey I could share not only the sorrows but the joys. I could share how God has been my strength through each and every day. He has promised to never leave or forsake us.

With this new year, I am going to another session of Grief Share, not only for myself to glean more from, but I’d like to be a comfort to others. We aren’t in this alone.   As a fresh widow in 2013, (my dear husband went to be with Jesus 9 Dec. 2012), the following verses were brought to my attention. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles,
so that we can comfort those in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

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I love these thoughts found in Lamentations 3:22-26 (NKJV)

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
 
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
 
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I hope in Him!”

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.
 
It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the Lord.

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Another verse just came to mind, Psalms 34:8

O taste and see that the Lord is good:

blessed is the man (or woman) that trusteth in him.

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Dear broken hearted ones, be of good cheer. God is the Restorer of broken hearts. He is the Healer who brings us back to life. 

Our lives have changed greatly with the loss of our loved ones, but, we are still alive, and they would want us to not just survive, but to thrive. We thrive through the love and tender mercies of our Creator and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Each day we are blessed with is a gift, a gift from our Heavenly Father. May we rejoice and be glad in each one. May we keep our focus on Him. He is our Peace, our Strength, our Joy.

May this new year be filled with growth as we trust in Jesus, the only one who can meet all of our needs. He has a plan for each of us, one that only we can fill, one that He made before we were even born.

God’s blessings on each of you ~ FlowerLady

Fall is in the air

Here it is another September, today happens to be the first day of fall. Hurray! September 8th was our 46th anniversary. It is hard to believe my dear husband and best friend has been gone 33 1/2 months.

Oh how I miss my love every single day. As a fresh widow grief was so ‘raw’, then there’s the ‘widow’s fog’ that lasted for over 2 years for me, then reality really settles in. That’s where I am now.

It’s not easy to get used to. I rely on Jesus daily for His strength to get me through each day. To give me peace, to give me joy in my sorrow.

Knowing my husband is with Jesus is wonderful. He is with Almighty God, that is awesome. I can only imagine how fantastic that must be.

Meanwhile, every day for me is a day of taking one step at a time. Some days are better than others.

Now that cooler weather is coming, I’m thinking of projects I want to do outside and inside. I’ve got some you-tube videos to watch for painting my little cottage.  A project that will be done one wall or one section at a time. Prep work will be the worst part.

The journey of widowhood is all about faith.  Faith in Jesus for taking care of me. He knows all of my needs better than I do.

We have a crowd of witnesses in heaven who lived by faith and they are cheering us on. We can do it, just as they did, by faith. God is our strength and they know that. We just need to keep our focus on Jesus and not on things of this world. We need to do our best and not sweat the small stuff.

We are to give our worries and fears to Jesus, something we can give Him each day, as many times as we need to. He is longing to take our burdens, He wants us to have His peace. He longs to bless us and does.

He blesses us with beauty, music, scents, laughter, friends, family, colors, good food, changing seasons, His glorious creation, so much to enjoy.

Let us rejoice in the gift of each new day and be glad in it. One day we will be with our loved ones again, and we will all praise Jesus for all that He has done, is doing, and what He will do for each and every one of us.

Be of good courage, all who hope in the Lord.

FlowerLady

Trust in the Lord

Here it is five months since I’ve written anything in this blog. Shame on me. I post regularly in my main blog FlowerLady’s Musings. It’s where I’ve been blogging about our life since Sept. 2008 when I started the blog. Those who follow and visit have been following right along in my new journey. Some leave comments, some email me and their love and encouragement has been a real blessing to me these past 17 months.

I miss my dear husband every day. The tears are less, but they do still have ways of sneaking up on me and I just have to got with the flow and let them fall wherever I may be.

Jesus is still the source of my strength each and every day. I wouldn’t be as far along in this journey as I am, without Him.

My life goes on. I am getting into living this life alone, new routines, enjoying and being thankful for my many blessings. I work part-time, putter in my gardens, enjoy needleworking again, (although I sure miss showing my dear husband my latest creations and hearing his loving encouragement and feedback).

I am on the staff of the Christian widow’s group I found soon after losing my husband. I’m the photographer at our meeting/luncheons, and I take care of the blog. Friends Needing Friends. This group has been a real blessing in my life.

God speaks to me through His Word, the Bible, through many devotionals, books, blogs and through friends and family. He led me to a church where I’ve been blessed many times by the music and the messages. I also go to a small lady’s Bible study group that is helping me on this journey of widowhood too.

Below is a devotional piece which I got in my email, written by J.R. Miller, "Evening Thoughts" 1907.

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“This is our Father's world! God has all power and could save us from any sorrow or suffering if He wished. He is all-loving, and when He permits any trial to touch us, it is because it will be a blessing to us. He is all-wise, and knows what is best for us.

We do not know what is best for us. We would make pitiful work of our life if, for even a single day, our affairs and experiences were left in our own hands! But in God's hands, no mistake will ever be made. Whatever may come, therefore, we may say always, "It is well!"

"He has done all things well!" Mark 7:37

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose!" Romans 8:28 “

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Dear Jesus ~ draw us ever closer to you. May we feel your love, peace, strength and joy flowing through and surrounding us at all times. May we believe in all that happens in our lives, “It is well!”

Thank you

FlowerLady Lorraine

 

1st Anniversary

 

Hello Friends,

One year ago today, at 10:12 a.m., my dear husband and best friend Mark when home to be with Jesus.

This time last year I was very despondent as you can well imagine, but I was not without hope and my strength to get through each day was and still is the strength of Jesus.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Grief was so overwhelming those first few months, and even a month or two ago I had the worst bout of grieving ever.  Sobbing so much I hurt physically. I just cried out to God to heal my broken heart and to get me through the pain. He has, He did and He is.

Grief still has a way of sneaking up on me, when I least expect it. The tears can be triggered by anything, and I just let them flow.  They are healing, they are precious to God. Remember, everyone of us grieves differently, don’t let anyone tell you how to do it.

I shed some tears yesterday as I decorated the trees as I miss Mark very much. His birthday is the 20th so we had much to celebrate this time of year.

I feel his love all around me.  I see it in so many things he did here in our little haven . My love for him continues to grow and I am thankful for the love we shared those 43 years of marriage. We grew up together and grew through lessons learned in our life and I am still learning and growing.

Through all the pain of this great loss, God has shown me so much love, He has drawn me closer to Him and He has given me a greater love and compassion for others.

I was led to a wonderful Christian group of widowed ladies and a church I enjoy very much. I was asked to be part of the staff of this group of widows, as photographer after I created a blog for them, Friends Needing Friends. This group was started by a lovely and fun lady, Dotti Ackerman.  She first started a group in NJ about 25 years ago, then came to FL and started our group a couple of years ago. She is much loved by both groups.

Meeting these ladies and becoming a part of their lives has been a blessing to me.

I am thankful for the widow friends I have made online. For the blogs of widows, and for my followers who have helped me so much during this past year. You all are a blessing in my life. I am thankful for family who have also blessed me with their love and support, and physical labor too.

Love and encouragement are so needed by widows. To be listened to, to be able to talk about their loved ones helps tremendously with their grieving.  Hugs are much appreciated too.

Nothing and no one can ever take the place of our dear husbands, they were the other half of ourselves.  We learn to live a new life, one of trust in God more than ever before.

I have read a LOT during this past year and have been blessed and encouraged and uplifted so much. The Bible has been the greatest source of comfort as well as books for widows and writings online and blogs.

I just read something in a book this past week or so and it is this ~ "We reproach ourselves when those we love are taken.  But, if we meditate, we can see how they can inspire our lives, make our years more significant by their lessons."

One of the last things dear Mark said to me was "Be kind." Not that long ago I came across a piece on you tube that really touched my heart along these same lines.

A young photographer went around NYC photographing thousands of real people and asked them what piece of advice they would have for a large audience.  One lady he came up to in pouring down rain was a widow in her 80’s, standing under a colorful umbrella. Her piece of advice was this. “I’ll tell you what my dying husband told me when I asked him what will I do without you in my life.  He told her, “Take that love you would have given me and spread it around.”

That still gets to me as I write and read the words again.  I loved my husband deeply, he was my life, and seeing this story was a gift from him and from God for me to carry on and ‘spread the love’.

I feel joy and peace on this first anniversary of Mark’s  leaving this planet. I know where he is and one day we will be reunited and live with Jesus forever. It will all be more wonderful than we can even imagine.

For all of those just coming into this new life of being a widow or widower, know that it will get easier.  You don't think so right now, and I didn't think so either, but God has been my strength, He has blessed me in many ways. I am trusting Him as my husband now to work all things out. I look to Him for guidance, help, love and healing. You can too. His love, grace, peace and healing are yours for the asking. Trust Him, He will never leave or forsake you.

Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady

~ Remember Philippians 4:13 ~

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you,

We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

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The photo above was taken by friends of mine and Mark’s who I had told about his telling me ‘be kind’. They were up north and the husband saw the sign and told the wife to stop, back up.  You should take a picture of this sign for Rainey.  When she went to take the picture and saw the name of the church she said something like,  ‘you’re not going to believe this’.  The name of the church.

A coincidence , I hardly think so.

God works in mysterious ways,

His wonders to perform.

This was yet another gift of love from God to me,

and from Mark to me.

Moving along, one step at a time

 

I can’t believe it’s been a month since I posted in this blog.  I post regularly in my main blog FlowerLady’s Musings, as I have followers there who have become friends and like family to me since I started blogging in 2008. They have been following our projects, etc. and have been a tremendous source of support, love, encouragement since losing my dear husband. They want to hear about how I am doing day to day.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss my husband, and the tears flow whenever they feel like it.   But, I am settling into my new groove, continuing to trust God to work all things out. It’s a moment to moment trusting God, one step at a time.

Being a part of the widow’s group, FNF ~ Friends Needing Friends ~ has really been a blessing to me. God led me to them for His purpose, His honor and glory. My prayer is to be able to help other widows in this journey that we are on.

Every day is a new day, in this adventure, where we can trust in God or wallow in our despair. He is not done with us yet, we have much to live for, and much living to do. He works through our grief to bring others to Him. He will give us joy once again, I see glimpses of it, and knowing my husband is with Him, fills my heart with joy.

Let us all remember to:

“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart;

and lean not unto thine own understanding.”

Proverbs 3:5

***

FlowerLady

Projects

 

These past 4 months have been rough without my dear husband.  The missing him is awful.  Half of me is gone, the half that was courageous, who could do just about anything he set his mind to. He enjoyed figuring things out, drawing up plans or having creative ideas and then making them come to be. I enjoyed helping him with everything.  We were a team, a team that worked well together. I’m not saying we were perfect by any stretch of the imagination, we bickered, apologized, forgave and moved on.  Love covers a multitude of sins.

I need and want to do things, to get things accomplished that we started. I now have to make the decisions myself, have to motivate myself and that comes hard.  I can work in the gardens, or with my needlework, or cooking, no problem there, but all of this other stuff that we did together, is much harder.

I keep telling myself that there are plenty of women living alone that do all kinds of things and I can too.  I can hear my husband saying, “Come on Rainey, you can do it, you’re a ‘mountainy woman’, a very good and hard worker. You have ideas, talents, and you can accomplish much, even though I’m not there to help you physically.”  (A ‘mountainy woman’ is one who is not afraid of hard work, who gets out there and helps where she is needed, our definition.)

I’m making a list of things I need and want to do and look forward to doing them.  I just need to start with one project and keep going, until my list is just filled with new projects I want to try or do.

My husband loved working with his hands and I watched and helped him do all kinds of building projects in our 43 years and I know some of that is lodged in my brain.

Grief has a way of deadening your senses at first, so much so that all you can do is basically what you have to do. Yesterday afternoon a peaceful, excited feeling came over me, I can’t really explain it, and for all I know it will come and go, but it was there and I still feel it today.

I am going to start taking care of things that I’ve let slide and go from there.  Jesus will be with me all the way. He is my strength, my motivation, I can do all things through Him.

Life is to be lived every day as best we can.  It is to be enjoyed and be thankful for. Life is not over, it is different, it is continuing. I do not want to lose faith I want to be more faithful and thankful for all of the blessings I’m being given and for the lessons I am learning. God is Almighty and He is working all things out in my life.

Here are some verses for me today, maybe they will be a blessing in your life too. These are taken from the KJV of the Bible.

And whatsoever ye do,
do it heartily,
as to the Lord
Col 3:23 

Every wise woman buildeth her house:
Pro 14:1 

Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might;
Ecc 9:10 

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. 
Phillipians 4:13

And such trust have we through Christ to God-ward:
Not that we are sufficient of ourselves
to think any thing as of ourselves;
but our sufficiency is of God;  
2Corinthians 3:4-5

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Dear Jesus ~ May I continually seek you and your guidance through your word.  Thank you and Amen.

FlowerLady

After winter/death, comes spring/resurrection

On this early Easter morning, I was truly blessed by God in reading from a little book called, Song of Songs by Watchman Nee.

This little book is about God’s love for those who believe in Him and drawing them closer to Him. It is inspired by the book Song of Songs in the Bible.

Last night before sleep I read the following.

“ In whatsoever circumstances you may be you can trust and believe in the ever-abiding presence of the Lord.

~ “The winter is past”. ~ Winter is gloomy and cold and not conducive to growth.  It represents a time of testing in which there is little to cheer.

~ “Those many testings and trials are now all behind you because of your living sense of My abiding presence.” ~ 

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This morning I read this:

“The reference to flowers, birds, turtle-doves, and so on are an appeal by the Lord to His loved one to stand on resurrection ground. Verses 12-13 of chapter 2 speak of the abundant resurrection life which, like the spring, follows winter. The Lord desires this loved one of His to realize that she must not repeatedly focus her attention on the death, gloominess and witheredness of winter in the soul.

~ “The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come”. ~ Flowers are adornments of beauty.  Birds represent the voice of happy song.  Flowers are on the ground, while birds sing their song in the sky.  Flowers express art; birds give forth music.  According to Matthew 6, flowers and birds are objects of God’s special care, and they express a heavenly message.  They manifest heavenly beauty and set forth very sweet praise – the true elements of resurrection life.”

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Reading this above was gift to me this Easter morning from Jesus, my God. Last night was kind of rough. I prayed, cried, went to bed to read, prayed some more then slept really good. I read about winter/death last night and spring/resurrection this morning. This is another one of those times where God was working all things out as today is the celebration of His resurrection.  This was thrilling to me and I just had to write this out in hopes that it will help others in a ‘winter’ period in their lives.

Trust in God, be of good courage, wait on Him and you will not be disappointed.  He is drawing you closer to Him.

Happy Easter ~ FlowerLady Lorraine

This is the worst thing

 

that I’ve ever been through. If it wasn’t for God, I would be a total basket case. As it is, I have my moments where I feel ~ what is the use of doing anything anymore. My love who I shared everything with is gone, G O N E. There is not much joy here by myself.

I do thank God though, all day long for my tears, for my blessings, and for drawing me closer to Him. He has brought me to where I am today. He knows every facet of my life. He loves me dearly as He does all of us. This is where I am meant to be, at this moment in my life. God is working in me, strengthening my faith in Him. I am grateful, and wish to be full of grace.

This morning I worked on cutting back jasmine that is in the front hedgerow. It was about 3’ higher than the 6’ wire fencing that we have there. I then cut it all up smaller which filled 3 bags for the county to pick up and turn into mulch, which is then free to residents.

I’ve more jasmine on the west end and that will be another day’s project. I talked to God all morning as things are on my heart, and only He can sort it all out and heal my broken heart.

When I came in later, I thought I’ve got to get a grip here, God be thou my strength. The living room was a wreck, the kitchen needed cleaning up, I had cried several times and then I remembered a verse that was just what I needed, and what I need to remember daily. I just looked it up in my E-sword program and here it is.

And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; 

Colossians 3:23

Here’s another:

And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.

Col 3:17

I am reading the book ‘1000 Gifts ~ A Dare to LIVE FULLY Right Where You are’ by Ann Voskamp. This is about finding joy in our every day lives, in ordinary things. Being thankful for everything, as God works all things out for each of us. Being thankful is trusting God.

Here is an excerpt: “Everything is eucharisteo. Because eucharisteo is how Jesus, at the Last Supper, showed us to transfigure all things – take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all emptiness.”

Eucharisteo means 

to be grateful, feel thankful

give thanks

the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. Job 1:21

Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;  Ephesians 5:20

With that I will close this post.

Thank you all once again for your prayers. They are lifting me up to where I want to be, and that is trusting in Jesus more fully as I live each day.

FlowerLady Lorraine