The Lord is my Strength

 

Good morning ~ It’s been awhile since I’ve posted here. I post regularly in my other blog FlowerLady’s Musings.

I’ve been feeling the urge to get back into posting here so here I am.

It has been 4 years 3 months and 1 day since my dear husband went to be with Jesus. I have made forward progress in the grieving process, but like this morning, it can sneak up on me at any given time.

I wake up early every morning ever since my husband left this planet, usually around 4. This morning I woke up right around then, after having an emotional dream. I sat up on the edge of the bed, thanking Jesus for this new day, (talking to Him out loud), then thanked Him for the love my husband and I had shared as husband and wife for 43 years. I then said how I love my husband still & even more & that I miss him and then broke down sobbing. The tears subsided and I felt somewhat better after the release of tension and sadness and got up to get started with my day.

Each morning I have coffee with my devotional time. At that time of morning traffic is quiet and it is nice to read and pray before the hurry/scurry of the day gets started.

Lately I’ve been picking up my husband’s Bible and opening it up to see what verse or verses, of scripture he might have marked, and how would they speak to me. This mornings’ verse that spoke to my heart, was found in a section of marked verses, Nehemiah 8: 9-12. and in the margin he had written one word, EXCELLENT.  Verse 10b was the part that stood out to me, especially after my emotional start to this day.

“This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” NIV

Each day is a gift, from our heavenly Father.

The verse about God’s compassion on us came to mind so I looked it up and will share it here.

Lamentations 3:22-26

It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
 
They are new every morning:
great is thy faithfulness.
 
The LORD is my portion, saith my soul;
therefore will I hope in him.
 
The LORD is good unto them that wait for him,
to the soul that seeketh him.
 
It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.

The Lord is my strength when I am weak.

He has promised to never leave me.

He is working all things out for good and for His glory in my life.

Don’t give up. You are not alone. Call out to Jesus for help when you need it.

Thank Him daily for all that He does for you, large or small blessings.

For me a small blessing yesterday was, asking for His help in cutting over hanging limbs from our neighbor’s trees that hang over my driveway.  I got out my pole saw and began sawing, and also used my hand clippers to cut things up smaller. When I had done what needed to be done, I had a huge smile on my face and thankfulness in my heart.

The day before He gave me the idea to look in a certain area of ‘stuff’ to find a pipe I needed for a project. Again, a smile on my face and thankfulness overflowing.

Every day we have much to be thankful for if we will just open our eyes, ears and hearts.

Being a widow isn’t easy, but Jesus blesses us with what we need in each new day.

Trust Him.

FlowerLady

 

Fall is in the air

Here it is another September, today happens to be the first day of fall. Hurray! September 8th was our 46th anniversary. It is hard to believe my dear husband and best friend has been gone 33 1/2 months.

Oh how I miss my love every single day. As a fresh widow grief was so ‘raw’, then there’s the ‘widow’s fog’ that lasted for over 2 years for me, then reality really settles in. That’s where I am now.

It’s not easy to get used to. I rely on Jesus daily for His strength to get me through each day. To give me peace, to give me joy in my sorrow.

Knowing my husband is with Jesus is wonderful. He is with Almighty God, that is awesome. I can only imagine how fantastic that must be.

Meanwhile, every day for me is a day of taking one step at a time. Some days are better than others.

Now that cooler weather is coming, I’m thinking of projects I want to do outside and inside. I’ve got some you-tube videos to watch for painting my little cottage.  A project that will be done one wall or one section at a time. Prep work will be the worst part.

The journey of widowhood is all about faith.  Faith in Jesus for taking care of me. He knows all of my needs better than I do.

We have a crowd of witnesses in heaven who lived by faith and they are cheering us on. We can do it, just as they did, by faith. God is our strength and they know that. We just need to keep our focus on Jesus and not on things of this world. We need to do our best and not sweat the small stuff.

We are to give our worries and fears to Jesus, something we can give Him each day, as many times as we need to. He is longing to take our burdens, He wants us to have His peace. He longs to bless us and does.

He blesses us with beauty, music, scents, laughter, friends, family, colors, good food, changing seasons, His glorious creation, so much to enjoy.

Let us rejoice in the gift of each new day and be glad in it. One day we will be with our loved ones again, and we will all praise Jesus for all that He has done, is doing, and what He will do for each and every one of us.

Be of good courage, all who hope in the Lord.

FlowerLady

Trust in the Lord

Here it is five months since I’ve written anything in this blog. Shame on me. I post regularly in my main blog FlowerLady’s Musings. It’s where I’ve been blogging about our life since Sept. 2008 when I started the blog. Those who follow and visit have been following right along in my new journey. Some leave comments, some email me and their love and encouragement has been a real blessing to me these past 17 months.

I miss my dear husband every day. The tears are less, but they do still have ways of sneaking up on me and I just have to got with the flow and let them fall wherever I may be.

Jesus is still the source of my strength each and every day. I wouldn’t be as far along in this journey as I am, without Him.

My life goes on. I am getting into living this life alone, new routines, enjoying and being thankful for my many blessings. I work part-time, putter in my gardens, enjoy needleworking again, (although I sure miss showing my dear husband my latest creations and hearing his loving encouragement and feedback).

I am on the staff of the Christian widow’s group I found soon after losing my husband. I’m the photographer at our meeting/luncheons, and I take care of the blog. Friends Needing Friends. This group has been a real blessing in my life.

God speaks to me through His Word, the Bible, through many devotionals, books, blogs and through friends and family. He led me to a church where I’ve been blessed many times by the music and the messages. I also go to a small lady’s Bible study group that is helping me on this journey of widowhood too.

Below is a devotional piece which I got in my email, written by J.R. Miller, "Evening Thoughts" 1907.

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“This is our Father's world! God has all power and could save us from any sorrow or suffering if He wished. He is all-loving, and when He permits any trial to touch us, it is because it will be a blessing to us. He is all-wise, and knows what is best for us.

We do not know what is best for us. We would make pitiful work of our life if, for even a single day, our affairs and experiences were left in our own hands! But in God's hands, no mistake will ever be made. Whatever may come, therefore, we may say always, "It is well!"

"He has done all things well!" Mark 7:37

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose!" Romans 8:28 “

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Dear Jesus ~ draw us ever closer to you. May we feel your love, peace, strength and joy flowing through and surrounding us at all times. May we believe in all that happens in our lives, “It is well!”

Thank you

FlowerLady Lorraine

 

1st Anniversary

 

Hello Friends,

One year ago today, at 10:12 a.m., my dear husband and best friend Mark when home to be with Jesus.

This time last year I was very despondent as you can well imagine, but I was not without hope and my strength to get through each day was and still is the strength of Jesus.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Grief was so overwhelming those first few months, and even a month or two ago I had the worst bout of grieving ever.  Sobbing so much I hurt physically. I just cried out to God to heal my broken heart and to get me through the pain. He has, He did and He is.

Grief still has a way of sneaking up on me, when I least expect it. The tears can be triggered by anything, and I just let them flow.  They are healing, they are precious to God. Remember, everyone of us grieves differently, don’t let anyone tell you how to do it.

I shed some tears yesterday as I decorated the trees as I miss Mark very much. His birthday is the 20th so we had much to celebrate this time of year.

I feel his love all around me.  I see it in so many things he did here in our little haven . My love for him continues to grow and I am thankful for the love we shared those 43 years of marriage. We grew up together and grew through lessons learned in our life and I am still learning and growing.

Through all the pain of this great loss, God has shown me so much love, He has drawn me closer to Him and He has given me a greater love and compassion for others.

I was led to a wonderful Christian group of widowed ladies and a church I enjoy very much. I was asked to be part of the staff of this group of widows, as photographer after I created a blog for them, Friends Needing Friends. This group was started by a lovely and fun lady, Dotti Ackerman.  She first started a group in NJ about 25 years ago, then came to FL and started our group a couple of years ago. She is much loved by both groups.

Meeting these ladies and becoming a part of their lives has been a blessing to me.

I am thankful for the widow friends I have made online. For the blogs of widows, and for my followers who have helped me so much during this past year. You all are a blessing in my life. I am thankful for family who have also blessed me with their love and support, and physical labor too.

Love and encouragement are so needed by widows. To be listened to, to be able to talk about their loved ones helps tremendously with their grieving.  Hugs are much appreciated too.

Nothing and no one can ever take the place of our dear husbands, they were the other half of ourselves.  We learn to live a new life, one of trust in God more than ever before.

I have read a LOT during this past year and have been blessed and encouraged and uplifted so much. The Bible has been the greatest source of comfort as well as books for widows and writings online and blogs.

I just read something in a book this past week or so and it is this ~ "We reproach ourselves when those we love are taken.  But, if we meditate, we can see how they can inspire our lives, make our years more significant by their lessons."

One of the last things dear Mark said to me was "Be kind." Not that long ago I came across a piece on you tube that really touched my heart along these same lines.

A young photographer went around NYC photographing thousands of real people and asked them what piece of advice they would have for a large audience.  One lady he came up to in pouring down rain was a widow in her 80’s, standing under a colorful umbrella. Her piece of advice was this. “I’ll tell you what my dying husband told me when I asked him what will I do without you in my life.  He told her, “Take that love you would have given me and spread it around.”

That still gets to me as I write and read the words again.  I loved my husband deeply, he was my life, and seeing this story was a gift from him and from God for me to carry on and ‘spread the love’.

I feel joy and peace on this first anniversary of Mark’s  leaving this planet. I know where he is and one day we will be reunited and live with Jesus forever. It will all be more wonderful than we can even imagine.

For all of those just coming into this new life of being a widow or widower, know that it will get easier.  You don't think so right now, and I didn't think so either, but God has been my strength, He has blessed me in many ways. I am trusting Him as my husband now to work all things out. I look to Him for guidance, help, love and healing. You can too. His love, grace, peace and healing are yours for the asking. Trust Him, He will never leave or forsake you.

Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady

~ Remember Philippians 4:13 ~

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you,

We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

******

The photo above was taken by friends of mine and Mark’s who I had told about his telling me ‘be kind’. They were up north and the husband saw the sign and told the wife to stop, back up.  You should take a picture of this sign for Rainey.  When she went to take the picture and saw the name of the church she said something like,  ‘you’re not going to believe this’.  The name of the church.

A coincidence , I hardly think so.

God works in mysterious ways,

His wonders to perform.

This was yet another gift of love from God to me,

and from Mark to me.

Still moving forward

 

Each new day is a gift! We can either wallow in self-pity, or be thankful to God for his many blessings in our life. It’s been eight months now since my dear husband went to be with his Maker and while I still miss him every single day, I am not as distraught as I was at first.

Jesus has been my strength, seeing me through every step of my journey. He is filling my life with his love, peace and strength. I still have times of tears, but I also have times of thankfulness and joy for the 43 years of marriage we had.

I am going through things, doing some rearranging and making forward progress in this new life I’m living. I ask Jesus for help and he gives it. I am excited about an indoor project I am working on and while doing this have found some real treasures in artwork done by my husband. I’ve come across other things too and my love for him continues to grow even though he’s no longer here. God blessed me by answering my prayer as a young girl when I prayed for Him to send me someone who loved me and someone for me to love as well.

On the 8th of next month is the anniversary of our marriage, it would have been our 44th.  I still plan to fix a nice dinner, as I always did, to celebrate the love and our life that God blessed us with.  I am thankful.

I am also thankful for this time in my life of drawing closer to Jesus. He brought me to where I am, he knows all that I am going through and he knows what he as in store for me.

MKJV ~ Jer 29:11 ~ For I know the purposes which I am purposing for you, says Jehovah; purposes of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

I want to rest daily in God’s tender loving care, to grow in his grace.

May you do the same.

FlowerLady Lorraine

A confession

 

I have a confession to make. This journey is rough, harder than you can even think imaginable. Tomorrow morning will make 16 weeks since my dear husband went to be with Jesus.

I have good days and not so good days. My faith in Jesus has not wavered, but the other day after walking around in a pretty bad ‘fog’ for a couple of days, and feeling overwhelmed, I told Jesus “Sometimes I just want to die.  This is so ‘hard’ Jesus. You know what I am going through and I’m sorry for feeling this way, forgive me.”

Each morning when I wake I am hit again by the ‘blast’ of realization of, he’s not here, then I ask Jesus to bless my day, and to lead me in the way I should go.

I heard another good song the other day, ‘Good to be Alive’ by Jason Gray.  God has a plan for me, and I need to relax in His tender loving care, watching what unfolds with each new day.

 

He has already lead me to a wonderful Christian widow’s group called ‘Friends Needing Friends’ this past week. I found out about it online, and when I got there I met up with two ladies I’ve known in the past, and have not seen for many years.  My husband knew both of them before he and I even met. The older lady was a friend of his mother’s.  The other lady is my age.  Besides being sisters in Christ, we are now sisters in widowhood, growing in God’s grace. 

This group meets once a month and I can hardly wait to see all of these ladies again. You can read more in my main blog here, Easter Week Blessings.

Searching for the tune above this morning I came across another song by this young man and it also touched my heart.

A Way to See in the Dark - Jason Gray

 

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.

Psalms 119:105

For with thee is the fountain of life: in thy light shall we see light.

Psalms 36:9

Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying,
I am the light of the world:
he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness,
but shall have the light of life.

John 8:12

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The only way through to the end of this earthly journey,
is to trust and hope in Jesus.
He continually strengthens me by reading His word. 
He hears my every prayer,
knows my every thought,
forgives all my sins.

***

It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed,
because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning:
great is thy faithfulness.
The LORD is my portion, saith my soul;
therefore will I hope in him.
The LORD is good unto them that wait for him,
to the soul that seeketh him.
It is good
that a man should both hope and quietly wait
for the salvation of the LORD.

Lamentations 3:22-26

Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits:
Who forgiveth all thine iniquities;
who healeth all thy diseases;
Who redeemeth thy life from destruction;
who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things;
so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Psa 103:2-5

Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning;
for in thee do I trust:
cause me to know the way wherein I should walk;
for I lift up my soul unto thee.
Psalms 143:8

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Thank you Jesus for loving me
in spite of my failings each and every day. 
Thank you for drawing me closer to you.
Amen

FlowerLady