These past 4 months have been rough without my dear husband. The missing him is awful. Half of me is gone, the half that was courageous, who could do just about anything he set his mind to. He enjoyed figuring things out, drawing up plans or having creative ideas and then making them come to be. I enjoyed helping him with everything. We were a team, a team that worked well together. I’m not saying we were perfect by any stretch of the imagination, we bickered, apologized, forgave and moved on. Love covers a multitude of sins.
I need and want to do things, to get things accomplished that we started. I now have to make the decisions myself, have to motivate myself and that comes hard. I can work in the gardens, or with my needlework, or cooking, no problem there, but all of this other stuff that we did together, is much harder.
I keep telling myself that there are plenty of women living alone that do all kinds of things and I can too. I can hear my husband saying, “Come on Rainey, you can do it, you’re a ‘mountainy woman’, a very good and hard worker. You have ideas, talents, and you can accomplish much, even though I’m not there to help you physically.” (A ‘mountainy woman’ is one who is not afraid of hard work, who gets out there and helps where she is needed, our definition.)
I’m making a list of things I need and want to do and look forward to doing them. I just need to start with one project and keep going, until my list is just filled with new projects I want to try or do.
My husband loved working with his hands and I watched and helped him do all kinds of building projects in our 43 years and I know some of that is lodged in my brain.
Grief has a way of deadening your senses at first, so much so that all you can do is basically what you have to do. Yesterday afternoon a peaceful, excited feeling came over me, I can’t really explain it, and for all I know it will come and go, but it was there and I still feel it today.
I am going to start taking care of things that I’ve let slide and go from there. Jesus will be with me all the way. He is my strength, my motivation, I can do all things through Him.
Life is to be lived every day as best we can. It is to be enjoyed and be thankful for. Life is not over, it is different, it is continuing. I do not want to lose faith I want to be more faithful and thankful for all of the blessings I’m being given and for the lessons I am learning. God is Almighty and He is working all things out in my life.
Here are some verses for me today, maybe they will be a blessing in your life too. These are taken from the KJV of the Bible.
And whatsoever ye do,
do it heartily,
as to the Lord
Every wise woman buildeth her house:
Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might;
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
And such trust have we through Christ to God-ward:
Not that we are sufficient of ourselves
to think any thing as of ourselves;
but our sufficiency is of God;
Dear Jesus ~ May I continually seek you and your guidance through your word. Thank you and Amen.