"Falling in love is the easy part.
It is quite different from being in love.
If you are blessed,
you fall in love with your spouse again a little bit every day.
Love is a choice,
a decision to love no matter what the day brings.
You are in love because you choose to be in love.
You made a promise, a commitment, to love each other."
Author Unknown

Monday, March 4, 2013

One minute up, the next down

It is amazing to me, this grieving. One minute you can feel so positive, feel ready to do something then after you do it with joy and thanksgiving you come crashing down into a bit of depression.

The tears are like a never ending fountain that turns on whenever it feels like it. They can sometimes be gentle and at other times you sob your heart out all over again. The good thing though is this, Jesus bottles up all of our tears, and they are in his safe keeping. And once you’ve cried out for the moment, you feel more normal again, at least I do.

There are so many dreams, memories, laughs, conversations, etc. surrounding me from our 43 years of marriage. I am glad I have them, but to not be making more of them with my dear husband really gets to me at times and seems so overwhelming.  It will be three months since he went home to be with Jesus.  That seems short sometimes and like an eternity at other times.

Everyday has it’s anxieties, it’s happy moments. Times of faith and times of doubt. Going to God in prayer and reading his word will lift us up continually. He is the author and finisher of our faith.

I will close today’s post with the following scripture. May we let God speak to us through them and calm our anxious hearts.

FlowerLady Lorraine


But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.  ~ Mat 6:6

I love the LORD, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications.
Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him as long as I live.
The sorrows of death compassed me, and the pains of hell gat hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow.
Then called I upon the name of the LORD; O LORD, I beseech thee, deliver my soul.
Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; yea, our God is merciful.
The LORD preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.
Return unto thy rest, O my soul;
for the LORD hath dealt bountifully with thee.

Psalms 116:1-7

Therefore I say unto you,
Take no thought for your life,
what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink;
nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on.
Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?  Mat 6:25

Take therefore no thought for the morrow:
for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.
Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.  Mat 6:34

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.  Php_4:6

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.  2Ti 1:7

I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.  2Ti 1:12

1 comment:

  1. You might not realise, but all the feelings you have so clearly expressed above, are normal and the way that the body tries to cope... and by putting it out there in words, I have no doubt it will be helpful to others that might be suffering in the same way.

    Grief is not measurable, cannot be tied up and put away... it seeps out at the oddest times, and really gives it a real going over!I have a close friend who lost her husband just over 18months ago....this lady had run international companies, travelled all over the world, been a real go getter, and yet, when her husband died she is now a completely melted down person who cannot understand her weakness in coping with the loss... but it isnt a weakness, its just how the body has to vent.. her husband too, had a long illness, but like your darling, he was so much the core of her heart, that even though she had coped with him being ill for several years, his passing was utterly devastating.. Her neighbours have told her to buck up and get new interests and get out more, but frankly this talk doesnt help... you have to totally allow all these feelings to be expressed, and then the pain will ease a fraction at a time, until one day you can smile again... all those wonderful memories you have together made, will help you in your hour of need, and of course your faith will be the strongest fence for you to lean on.. I know that nothing will help the void you feel you are in, but like I tell my dear friend, your husband was so much more than just a partner, everything revolved about the two of you together, so its just that you have to be patient in order to let the pain seep away little bit by little bit.. I know the pain of losing parents will not be quite the same, but the reactions can be just as deep and real.. so I know a little about what I am saying.. meanwhile, just let matters happen, do not judge yourself, it is all part of the healing process. God Speed my blog friend and I send you many many hugs to make you feel a little bit better and not so alone.. God Bless you, janzi