"Falling in love is the easy part.
It is quite different from being in love.
If you are blessed,
you fall in love with your spouse again a little bit every day.
Love is a choice,
a decision to love no matter what the day brings.
You are in love because you choose to be in love.
You made a promise, a commitment, to love each other."
Author Unknown


Thursday, December 13, 2012

Who Fills the Void?

 

Dear Friends,

I had a decent night's sleep last night. Went to bed around 8:30 up at 4, only waking up a couple of times and falling back to sleep.  After it was light out this morning, around 7:30, I went outside and since I had three hours before I had to leave for work, I decided to trim branches that were hanging into the driveway from the neighbors property. That felt so good, took me about an hour. Physical exercise to get my blood pumping.

I took it all out front and put in a nice stack, as the county picks up the brush tomorrow. They take it to their facility out west of town and grind it up into mulch which is then free to residents.

I am looking forward to working on different projects around our haven. A little here and there to keep me occupied and to accomplish things. One of the projects will be taking a couple of fold up chairs that have canvas seats and backs. I plan to sand down the wood and stain them, then use some quilted valances I bought cheap recently for the seats and backs.  They will look nice and are just right for the caravan. We were working on using stuff that we had on hand to make this thing as much as possible, trying to keep expenses to a minimum and we did that..

I did more hand sewing of our quilt squares last night. It is soothing. I look forward to the time when I can start adding the embellishments. :-)

I've had at least 3-4 crying jags so far today. They just come over you in waves, especially if someone says something to you, as has happened here at work, because people knew DH.

I do look forward to getting back to our little haven that we created from this crazy world that we live in. It takes me about 30 minutes to and from.

Whenever I had to leave DH while he was ill, to do errands, when I came home he always thanked God outloud for bringing me home safely.

Whenever I came back to bed from the bathroom during the night last night, I would look over to DH's side of the bed, used to seeing his shape, but alas it was flat and empty.  It’s awful and hits me all over again.

I keep reading and rereading that beautiful piece I found by Octavius Winslow. Here's the appropiate bit today.

***

And who is the object of the widow’s trust?
“In me,” says God.
None less than himself can meet your case.
He well considers that there is an acuteness in your sorrow,
a depth in your loss,
a loneliness and a helplessness in your position,
which no one can meet but himself.

The first, the best, the fondest,
the most protective of creatures
has been torn from your heart,
is smitten down at your side;
what other creature could now be a substitute?
A universe of beings could not fill the void:
God in Christ only can.

O! wonderful thought,
that the Divine Being
should come and embosom himself
in the bereft and bleeding heart
of a human sufferer—that bereft and bleeding heart of yours.

He is especially the God of the widow.
And when he asks your confidence,
and invites your trust,
and bids you lift your weeping eye
from the crumbled idol at your feet,
and fix it upon himself,
he offers you an infinite substitute for a finite loss;
thus, as he ever does,
giving you infinitely more than he took;
bestowing a richer and a greater blessing than he removed.

He recalled your husband,
but he bestows himself.
And O, the magnitude of this trust!
It is to have infinite power to protect you,
infinite wisdom to guide you,
infinite love to comfort you,
infinite faithfulness at all times to stand by you,
and boundless resources to supply your every need.

It is to have the God who made heaven and earth,
the God to whom the spirits of all creatures are subject,
the God who gave his dear Son to die for you,
the God of the everlasting covenant to be your shield,
your counsellor,
your provider,
your God forever and ever,
and your guide even unto death.

***

May I tuck these words into my heart, mind and soul.

FlowerLady Lorraine

9 comments:

  1. This is a poem my grandmother reread and reread after Papa died: http://www.healingheart.net/poetry/go_first.html

    Love to you,

    Val

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  2. May sleep come quickly each night so you aren't left alone with your thoughts too long.

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  3. Bless your heart.. life alone doesn't come easy after so many years together.

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  4. Still I weep for your loss. For every tear I shed perhaps it is one you don’t have to. May you find another rest filled night.

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  5. Praying that you find solace in those words. You are so brave, dear Rainey!

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  6. I won't say "you're so strong". But what a strong habit of faith and trust you are leaning on! What a strong Heavenly Father we have - the God of widows. (I appreciated that devotional thought you shared in a prior post.)

    Your honest reflections, hope, and daily "journaling" here will encourage many in THEIR grief. I'm SURE of it, Lorraine!

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  7. Maybe you can make a special pillow cover, and buy one of those oversize pillows and just lay it there at least for awhile, so the physical space is filled. It might just help you visually, to be calm at night.Big hug as always!

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  8. Very comforting words in this writing.

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  9. Lorraine,thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts and truth ..not bearing it all alone.That's what I like most about you..but no one can understand unless it happens to them..and I think about my own situation and hope that I will be called first...It's no shame (or lack of faith) to fall but your strength and faith is what keeps you getting up and moving every day..keep doing whatever you need to do and finding meaning in every day...I think your online shop is sold out..you need to start some more items

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