Strength of my heart

 

This morning has been a bit rough, as I’ve been going through Mark’s clothes. I have sobbed and cried out to God to help me and be my strength. I had to take a break after that as it was terribly draining. 

I got out my Bible as I needed some sustenance to get me back on the right track. The more I read, the more my heart calmed.

I then saw Mark’s picture on this blog and the twinkle in his eyes and I smiled. I can hardly wait to get to heaven to see how he *really twinkles.* He is forever young, as I will be one day.

Until then, may I grow daily in God’s merciful, loving kindness, to be the woman he is creating me to be, full of beauty, grace and truth.

I will close with the following verses from Psalms 73:26 & 28 KJV

***

My flesh and my heart faileth:

but God is the strength of my heart,

and my portion for ever.

But it is good for me to draw near to God:

I have put my trust in the Lord GOD,

that I may declare all thy works.

***

Undistracted Widow ~ Living For God After Losing Your Husband

 

I found this book online when I was looking for bits and pieces that would be a help to me as a new widow. I ordered it and it is just what I needed. It is full of scripture references and encouragement.

I highly recommend it to widows and to those who want to understand widows more and how they can help them. The Undistracted Widow

The main theme is trusting in God, as He is now our husband. He loves and cares for us more than we can possibly realize, he just wants us to lean on Him for everything.

This is not an easy journey. It is hard, and very trying at times. But, trusting in God fills us with peace and love, more than we’ve ever had or felt before.

Widows are special to God. We need to relax in that knowledge, knowing that he is taking care of us in every area of our lives.

Faith isn’t something to be explained. How can you explain something you can’t see?

I pray for my faith to be strengthened in Him, who is the author and finisher of my faith. My faith isn’t strong most of the time, but it’s there and growing.  I am weak, I am afraid and anxious, but my faith is in God, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Sincerely ~ FlowerLady Lorraine

How? ~ Trust!

 

Grief sits heavy on your heart,

how do you go on  living without the other half of yourself?

You cry out to God who hears every word

knows your every thought.

It is He who will nurture you,

He who will heal your wounds.

He will draw you nearer to Him

whisper words of comfort,

fill you with love and peace.

He will be your strength

He will lift you higher than you have ever been before.

Never doubt, keep trusting in Him.

He works all things out

better than we can imagine

He loves us dearly,

we are precious to Him.

He has promised to never leave or forsake us

He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

A new day

 

After a very productive but emotional day yesterday, I randomly opened my Bible to see what gem would be shown to me before bed.

Here is what I opened to.

For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.
… my kindness shall not depart from thee. ~ Isaiah 54:5 & 10b

I just love how God speaks to me through this method of gleaning gems from His word.

I had already been reading from the little book ‘Practicing the Presence’ by J.S. Goldsmith.

I was blessed with a good night’s sleep and was thankful for that and the new day when I awoke this morning.

Today is a new day, a gift, may I rejoice and be glad in it all the day long.

FlowerLady

God’s revelation in our suffering

Below is an excerpt from a little book in our library called “Seeking a Simpler Spirit” by Deborah DeFord.

***

C.S. Lewis once said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures. God shouts to us in our pain.” With each joy and happy surprise, God’s whisper says, “I love you this much.” With every sorrow, every ache, every loss, God’s shout says, “You need me this much”.  Our pleasures are the buoyant resting places of our lives that energize and elevate us. Our pains are the training ground, the wake-up call, for the kind of gutsy understanding, wisdom, and commitment that turn us firmly toward God.

There are many ways in which suffering has the potential to make us stronger, more compassionate, more aware of our dependence. And I know that when people seek God in the midst of suffering, looking for understanding in all of God’s messages in nature and Scripture, their gifts and their pleasures, they often find hope and courage and a sense of purpose that has otherwise eluded them.

We will all have our share of suffering before we die. Insofar as we let it turn us toward God, let God speak to us through it, and exercise the spiritual muscles that God is inviting us to develop, our suffering can become a powerful engine for good in this life.

At the heart of God’s presence is love – love for each of us both as we are and as we can be.

***

FlowerLady Lorraine

Love covers a multitude …

Here it is Monday morning, the day where I will go out into the hectic world that we live in to do errands alone.

It was 4 weeks ago yesterday morning that dear Mark went home to be with Jesus. I have moments of frazzlement, peace, sobbing, joy, love, inspiration and sorrow. Sorrow because of my great loss, as half of me is missing and for things I did or didn’t do in our life together. During those last 4 months, we talked about a LOT of things, we hoped we’d still be blessed with more time to do things together, to laugh, love and grow older together, but that wasn’t meant to be. We forgave each other, we laughed about things, we cried too, we prayed, I read scripture aloud,  we told each other I love you over and over. I told him I was so thankful to have been his wife, glad he was my husband, and he told me what I good wife I had been and was being, along with being a good nurse to him. Only God can fill the void left by Mark’s physical absence and I am relying on God to fill that space.

In a sweet post by Val this morning, I was reminded of something I’ve thought about for years, and didn’t always succeed in. You can read her post here. The thing is to not waste time arguing over petty stuff. How I wish I could take back all of those wasted words, the wasted time, hurt feelings. Why couldn’t I have been more loving, kind, and not so touchy?  Tears are streaming as I write this for all the time and love lost. Neither of us were perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but we were being perfected. In our weaknesses God was our strength. 

A verse that came to mind while reading Val’s post was this, Love covers a multitude of sins. Proverbs 10:12b

Here is how God is toward our sins:

He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear (have reverential trust in) him.

As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.  Psalms 103:10-12

To us we are told:

He that covereth his sins shall not prosper:

but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy. Proverbs 28:13

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.  Isaiah 1:18

be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee. Matthew 9:2

Here’s something to ponder also.

We may think, Oh, I’ve not committed murder, or adultery, or stolen, my sins aren’t really so big or bad etc., etc., but the Bible says this: For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all. James 2:10

We need to:

 Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. Luke 12:1

For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: Rom 3:23-24

***

Remember that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, (we both read this book) and there are some great nuggets of truth in the book. We are unique creations of God male and female, with strengths and weaknesses. Marriage is a blending of two hearts and souls, working together through life’s ups and downs, ever learning and hopefully growing in grace and love.

To all of you who are still married, forget the petty stuff.  We have enough other stuff to forgive and be forgiven of without wasting time, energy and love on the small stuff. Life can change in an instant and your loved one be taken away and there will be no more chances to do what is right, you had your chance.

I am so thankful for our last 4 months together. They are priceless to me. God worked it all out the way he did, so that we could have this time together. Yes, it was hard, but, God was with us all the way. He knew what He was doing even if we didn’t. 

I love Mark and he loves me. I so look forward to our reunion, whenever that will be. For now, I will learn contentment in feeling and seeing his love all around me here in our humble little abode. I want to rest in God’s love and forgiveness, relax in His tender loving care. It doesn’t mean that I won’t feel guilty for things, or be stressed and afraid. I am human and thankfully, a sinner saved by God’s grace.

This is the day which the LORD hath made;

we will (let me) rejoice and be glad in it. Psalms 118:24

***

It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed,

because his compassions fail not.

They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.

Lamentations 3:22-24

Sincerely ~ Lorraine ~ living moment to moment

The latest …

 

Yesterday was rough as the tears just kept flowing having to deal with paperwork.  I came home from work yesterday and there were two more bills in the mailbox.  Well, this morning I called them up and a really sweet lady named Beatrice dealt with me. I told her my husband had died and we had no insurance and I was wanting to take care of the bills. She told me to just FAX the death certificate and the two bills would be written off. She told me she was sorry for my loss,  to be strong and hang in there and that she was praying for me. I thanked her and told her prayers mean so much at this time and she said ‘well I’m a believer’ and I said ‘so am I’. And of course the tears are flowing, and I get off the phone and sob in thankfulness and for my loss. The hospital is working on my case for Medicaid, so I’ve got to send more paperwork via FAX to them too.

Thanks again for your love, prayers and support. You just don’t know what they mean. If you know of anyone that has lost someone let them know you are sorry and that you are thinking of them. Give them a hug if you can. This is a rough time for them, I know.

Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady

Cloud of witnesses

Good morning Friends,

Last night before climbing into bed, (literally as our bed is an antique and high off the floor), I was thinking about Mark and wondering if he could see things that are going on down here.

All of a sudden a verse popped into my mind. It is one I had read out loud during his illness. Mark had asked me to find it and I did, here it is now for you to read.
***

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses,

let us lay aside every weight,
 
and the sin which doth so easily beset us, (it seems to me like doubt could be the sin that this is talking about, losing faith)
 
and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
 
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; Hebrews 12:1&2a

***

Those verses above follow chapter 11 in Hebrews which is what I call the 'faith' chapter. The wonderful 'old-timers' of the Bible that we all know and love, all lived by faith and are mentioned in this chapter. That's not saying they were perfect people, we all know they weren't because the Bible tells us so. They lived by FAITH in God.

Here is the beginning of chapter 11.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
 
For by it the elders obtained a good report.
 
Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. Hebrews 11:1-3

In verse 6 we read ~ But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

In verse 13 it says ~ These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.

***

Faith is something we can't see, we can't grab hold of it as a tangible thing, it just IS.

***

Faith is believing that ~ Jesus Christ (is) the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever. Heb 13:8

And ~ it is a good thing that the heart be established with grace;
Heb 13:9

***

So, back to my little gestalt leap of last night. My glimpse of a truth that I don't quite see the whole picture of is this, those who have gone on before are witnesses of our faith, so it seems to me that my dear Mark IS watching along with all the rest and I believe they shout for joy when we cling to our faith in Jesus. They all believe God and His word and they are waiting in earnest expectation, as is all of creation, for the manifestation of the sons of God.

May I continue to walk in hope and faith in Jesus and in His loving grace.

I hope that what I tried to convey here makes sense.

I so miss Mark and all of our conversations about Jesus and spiritual things. We always were thrilled with our 'light bulb' moments and felt they were gifts from God. We are not perfect, but our faith is in God.

I will close with the following from Romans 8:24-26

For we are saved by hope:
 
but hope that is seen is not hope:
 
for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for

But if we hope for that we see not,
 
then do we with patience wait for it.
 
Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities:
 
for we know not what we should pray for as we ought:
 
but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us

with groanings which cannot be uttered.

And

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD. Psa 31:24

***

FlowerLady Lorraine

I did it !!!

 

Got into DH’s computer and paid bills online. HURRAY! I can hear him saying “Atta Girl”.

Growing in Grace

Every day is a new day, given to me and any of us by God. What we do with it, how we think or things we do, are what make or break us. We can bemoan our fate and sink into a dark hole, and that is so easy to do, or we can get up and do something or think something positive and it will change our outlook. We can be thankful to God even through our trials.

I admit, I am sometimes afraid, I worry, I get discouraged, I’m not perfect. Any good thing I have is because of God and His love and grace.

Below are a couple of excerpts from the book:

“Captured by Grace” by David Jeremiah.

“God’s grace is always present. In every situation we can rely on Him to provide strength and courage. He will never give us all that we want, but He will always give us all that we need.

There is enough grace in God’s heart to meet and cope with all the sorrows, heartaches, difficulties, temptations, testings, and trials of human existence, and more added to that. God’s salvation is an oversize salvation.  It is equal to every emergency, for it flows from the heart of an infinite God freely bestowed and righteously given through the all-sufficient sacrifice of our Lord on the Cross. Salvation is all of grace. Trust God’s grace. It is superabounding grace.”

***

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.  ~ Isa 40:31

Jesus said “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” ~ John 14:27

When you feel down and discouraged and feel that life just isn’t worth living, call out to God. He will hear you. We are very precious to Him.

FlowerLady Lorraine