What is it that triggers you to break down sobbing or crying softly? You never know what these might be. The other day it was a piece in the mail that called me the beneficiary. The tears flowed and I talked to myself out loud, “Beneficiary? How am I a beneficiary, (one that receives a benefit), losing my husband and best friend? "
Things were already in both of our names, but my husband’s leaving this life, makes me sole beneficiary of what was ours. Nothing being put solely into my name can replace him and what he meant to me.
The only way I feel that I am a beneficiary, is in what I am receiving from God at this time. He is The Great Benefactor. He supplies my every need, and everything He does is for my good and His ultimate glory. He knows much better than I do as to what I need. To me, the main thing I need in my life is Him. Without Him I would be in the depths of despair. With Him I have hope.
These ‘triggers’ of tears can happen at any time, sometimes you don’t even know why, the tears just flow, or the sobs burst forth from your very soul. They can be caused by words, a scent, a song, pictures, colors, seeing older couples together, seeing young couples together, sometimes there is no rhyme or reason.
Dear Jesus let me rest in your tender loving care, 24/7. Let me realize that ‘triggers’ release this pent up, deep grief through my tears, which you then bottle up, as they are precious to you.
Thank you for my growing through grief, may I do so graciously. It is not always easy, and it is lonely. Thank you for not leaving me alone as you have promised to all who believe in you. You are with us every step of the way. Thank you.