I have a confession to make. This journey is rough, harder than you can even think imaginable. Tomorrow morning will make 16 weeks since my dear husband went to be with Jesus.
I have good days and not so good days. My faith in Jesus has not wavered, but the other day after walking around in a pretty bad ‘fog’ for a couple of days, and feeling overwhelmed, I told Jesus “Sometimes I just want to die. This is so ‘hard’ Jesus. You know what I am going through and I’m sorry for feeling this way, forgive me.”
Each morning when I wake I am hit again by the ‘blast’ of realization of, he’s not here, then I ask Jesus to bless my day, and to lead me in the way I should go.
I heard another good song the other day, ‘Good to be Alive’ by Jason Gray. God has a plan for me, and I need to relax in His tender loving care, watching what unfolds with each new day.
He has already lead me to a wonderful Christian widow’s group called ‘Friends Needing Friends’ this past week. I found out about it online, and when I got there I met up with two ladies I’ve known in the past, and have not seen for many years. My husband knew both of them before he and I even met. The older lady was a friend of his mother’s. The other lady is my age. Besides being sisters in Christ, we are now sisters in widowhood, growing in God’s grace.
This group meets once a month and I can hardly wait to see all of these ladies again. You can read more in my main blog here, Easter Week Blessings.
Searching for the tune above this morning I came across another song by this young man and it also touched my heart.
A Way to See in the Dark - Jason Gray
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
For with thee is the fountain of life: in thy light shall we see light.
Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying,
I am the light of the world:
he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness,
but shall have the light of life.
The only way through to the end of this earthly journey,
is to trust and hope in Jesus.
He continually strengthens me by reading His word.
He hears my every prayer,
knows my every thought,
forgives all my sins.
It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed,
because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning:
great is thy faithfulness.
The LORD is my portion, saith my soul;
therefore will I hope in him.
The LORD is good unto them that wait for him,
to the soul that seeketh him.
It is good
that a man should both hope and quietly wait
for the salvation of the LORD.
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits:
Who forgiveth all thine iniquities;
who healeth all thy diseases;
Who redeemeth thy life from destruction;
who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things;
so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning;
for in thee do I trust:
cause me to know the way wherein I should walk;
for I lift up my soul unto thee.
Thank you Jesus for loving me
in spite of my failings each and every day.
Thank you for drawing me closer to you.