Here it is Monday morning, the day where I will go out into the hectic world that we live in to do errands alone.
It was 4 weeks ago yesterday morning that dear Mark went home to be with Jesus. I have moments of frazzlement, peace, sobbing, joy, love, inspiration and sorrow. Sorrow because of my great loss, as half of me is missing and for things I did or didn’t do in our life together. During those last 4 months, we talked about a LOT of things, we hoped we’d still be blessed with more time to do things together, to laugh, love and grow older together, but that wasn’t meant to be. We forgave each other, we laughed about things, we cried too, we prayed, I read scripture aloud, we told each other I love you over and over. I told him I was so thankful to have been his wife, glad he was my husband, and he told me what I good wife I had been and was being, along with being a good nurse to him. Only God can fill the void left by Mark’s physical absence and I am relying on God to fill that space.
In a sweet post by Val this morning, I was reminded of something I’ve thought about for years, and didn’t always succeed in. You can read her post here. The thing is to not waste time arguing over petty stuff. How I wish I could take back all of those wasted words, the wasted time, hurt feelings. Why couldn’t I have been more loving, kind, and not so touchy? Tears are streaming as I write this for all the time and love lost. Neither of us were perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but we were being perfected. In our weaknesses God was our strength.
A verse that came to mind while reading Val’s post was this, Love covers a multitude of sins. Proverbs 10:12b
Here is how God is toward our sins:
He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear (have reverential trust in) him.
As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Psalms 103:10-12
To us we are told:
He that covereth his sins shall not prosper:
but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy. Proverbs 28:13
Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. Isaiah 1:18
be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee. Matthew 9:2
Here’s something to ponder also.
We may think, Oh, I’ve not committed murder, or adultery, or stolen, my sins aren’t really so big or bad etc., etc., but the Bible says this: For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all. James 2:10
We need to:
Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. Luke 12:1
For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: Rom 3:23-24
Remember that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, (we both read this book) and there are some great nuggets of truth in the book. We are unique creations of God male and female, with strengths and weaknesses. Marriage is a blending of two hearts and souls, working together through life’s ups and downs, ever learning and hopefully growing in grace and love.
To all of you who are still married, forget the petty stuff. We have enough other stuff to forgive and be forgiven of without wasting time, energy and love on the small stuff. Life can change in an instant and your loved one be taken away and there will be no more chances to do what is right, you had your chance.
I am so thankful for our last 4 months together. They are priceless to me. God worked it all out the way he did, so that we could have this time together. Yes, it was hard, but, God was with us all the way. He knew what He was doing even if we didn’t.
I love Mark and he loves me. I so look forward to our reunion, whenever that will be. For now, I will learn contentment in feeling and seeing his love all around me here in our humble little abode. I want to rest in God’s love and forgiveness, relax in His tender loving care. It doesn’t mean that I won’t feel guilty for things, or be stressed and afraid. I am human and thankfully, a sinner saved by God’s grace.
This is the day which the LORD hath made;
we will (let me) rejoice and be glad in it. Psalms 118:24
It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed,
because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.
Sincerely ~ Lorraine ~ living moment to moment