"Falling in love is the easy part.
It is quite different from being in love.
If you are blessed,
you fall in love with your spouse again a little bit every day.
Love is a choice,
a decision to love no matter what the day brings.
You are in love because you choose to be in love.
You made a promise, a commitment, to love each other."
Author Unknown


Sunday, December 30, 2012

It is hard to …

 

get motivated.

When Mark was here it was easy to be motivated to ‘do’ things. I have always loved ‘doing’ for and with him since the beginning when we were dating. That’s 46 years and now I find myself sort of walking in a haze when I first get up, as now it’s all up to me to figure out everything that needs doing. I think it will get easier, but these past three weeks have been hard adjusting to do just ‘doing’ for me.

I even feel a bit guilty for ‘doing for me’ now and I shouldn’t. A verse came to me this afternoon after I had worked  on my garden project and on the patio garden area. It was this:  Col 3:23 ~ And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord.  ~ This was what I needed and is especially more meaningful to me as God is now my husband.

I made a homemade pizza tonight, something we both loved. The timer just went off, so I will say goodnight for now. I will enjoy supper and raise my glass of red wine in a toast to God for his goodness and to my dear sweet Mark who enjoyed my cooking.

FlowerLady Lorraine

Another verse for today:

Isaiah 41:10

Fear Not
I am with thee
Be Not Dismayed
I am thy God
I will strengthen thee
I will help thee
I will uphold thee

Friday, December 28, 2012

Leanin’

Back in the beginning of August, just before DH fell ill, I posted the following on my blog on August 5th.

“Here are the lyrics that were going through my head during the wee hours of this morning, completely out of the blue. Not a tune I’ve heard in many, many years. An old hymn from my youth.

Leanin on the everlasting arms

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,
    Leaning on the everlasting arms?

Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.

This old hymn by Elisha A. Hoffman was published in 1887, and taken from the scripture verse in Deu 33:27 ~ The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms:”

Little did I know how much leaning on Jesus we would both be doing in the coming months and that I am doing now. Sharon from Morning’s Minion reminded me of this song again today in her comment earlier.

Below is a nice rendition of this old favorite.

Listening to this again I got blasted with a verse that we both liked and I read outloud more than once during this time.

But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.
I cried unto the LORD with my voice, and he heard me out of his holy hill. Selah.
I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the LORD sustained me. Ps. 3:3-5

The Lord took Mark home, he is well, he is at peace. The Lord is sustaining me so that I am able to lie down and sleep in His peace. He is my shield, my glory and the lifter up of my head. All praise and honor and glory be to Him, the author and finisher of my faith. When I am weak, and I am weak, He is my strength.

Call on Him, lean on Him, He is with us always.

FlowerLady Lorraine

Growing in God’s Grace

 

It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed,
because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning:
great is thy faithfulness.
The LORD is my portion, saith my soul;
therefore will I hope in him.
The LORD is good unto them that wait for him,
to the soul that seeketh him.
It is good that a man should
both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord.

Lamentations 3:22-26

***********

I’ve just finished reading a wonderful book that I picked up at a thrift store in the past few months. It came to me when I was going to need it’s comforting and encouraging words. The book is “Captured by Grace ~ No One is Beyond the Reach of a Loving God” by David Jeremiah.

Here is a loving excerpt that I hope will be of help to others, not just widows but to anyone who needs love and encouragement from God our loving Father.

“Though your eyes are presently filled with tears, My child, and though your shoulders sag with unhappiness, I want you to know something. I want you to be assured that our adventure together is only beginning. Trials remain for you to face, but behind each one rests a greater glory. Beyond each obstacle there lies a greater joy. And all along the way, I have paved your road with blessings to remind you of the inheritance that is yours as My child. Walk on, now, in the joy that will not be slowed even by sadness. Walk on toward the crown of glory that has your name on it.

Walk on, My child. And let us walk together.”

*************

But unto every one of us is given grace

according to the measure of the gift of Christ. Eph_4:7

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace,

that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. ~ Heb_4:16 

Grace be with you, mercy, and peace, from God the Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father, in truth and love. ~ 2Jn_1:3

Grace be with you all. Amen. ~ Heb_13:25

***

FlowerLady Lorraine

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Had a lovely, quiet Christmas

Here it is Wednesday afternoon. My Christmas was quiet, we always liked our quiet Christmases, but this one was a little too quiet without my dear Mark with me. I felt joyful at times, inspired and encouraged too, and then tears would fall, sobs would burst out. Crying is really good as it releases so much tension, but my stomach muscles sometimes ache from clenching because of crying so much, but I will survive this with God by my side. I read the Bible and am calmed by what I read. My hope is Jesus and He will work all things out.

I was reminded again today of one of my favorite verses:

Romans 8:28 ~ And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Here is an excerpt on this verse from the book ‘Captured by Grace’ by Dr. David Jeremiah :

“The death of a loved one is never a good thing, and the Spirit of God weeps beside us. The terrible day you had yesterday is simply a terrible day. It felt bad: it was bad. The Romans 8:28 difference is that these are bad things that God uses. They are pieces of a great jigsaw puzzle that are ugly when considered on their own; but in the final picture, they will play a part that brings glory to God and works for the good of the believer.

Bad things, then, remain bad. But God remains good, and He is the Lord of those bad things. He is fully capable of using them in ways that will shine with a beauty we will see one day, either in this life or the next.”

***

I don’t know what tomorrow holds for me, but like the old song says, I do know who holds tomorrow. I got the first bill from the hospital on Christmas Eve, a whopper. Today the day after Christmas I got another one from a physician. I don’t know how many there will be but I am trusting God to meet my needs. 

Here is another excerpt from this book:

“ Though your eyes are presently filled with tears, My child, and though your shoulders sag with unhappiness, I want you to know something. I want you to be assured that our adventure together is only beginning. Trials remain for you to face, but behind each one rests a greater glory. Beyond each obstacle there lies a greater joy. And all along the way, I have paved your road with blessings to remind you of the inheritance that is yours as My child. Walk on, now, in the joy that will not be slowed even by sadness. Walk on toward the crown of glory that has your name on it.

Walk on, My child. And let us walk together.”

So, with those comforting words ringing in my heart and soul, I will get up and go wash dishes, looking out of the scullery window enjoying the beauty I see in the secret garden.

Thank you all again for your love, support and prayers.

FlowerLady Lorraine

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Monday, December 24, 2012

Help from Psalms ~ 23 Dec

 

Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.
From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee,
when my heart is overwhelmed:
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
 
For thou hast been a shelter for me,
and a strong tower from the enemy.
I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever:
I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah.
Psalms 61:1-4

Below is a commentary on verse 4, which can be found here.

Verse 4. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever. Let me once get back to thy courts, and nothing shall again expel me from them: even now in my banishment my heart is there; and ever will I continue to worship thee in spirit wherever my lot may be cast. Perhaps by the word tabernacle is here meant the dwelling place of God; and if so, the sense is, I will dwell with the Lord, enjoying his sacred hospitality, and sure protection.

"There would I find a settled rest,
While others go and come;
No more a stranger or a guest,
But like a child at home."

He who communes with God is always at home. The divine omnipresence surrounds such a one consciously; his faith sees all around him the palace of the King, in which he walks with exulting security and overflowing delight.

The best of all is that our residence with God is not for a limited period of time, but for ages; yea, for ages of ages, for time and for eternity: this is our highest and most heavenly privilege, I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever.

I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Often does our sweet singer use this figure; and far better is it to repeat one apt and instructive image, than for the sake of novelty to ransack creation for poor, strained metaphors. The chicks beneath the hen how safe, how comfortable, how happy! How warm the parent's bosom! How soft the cherishing feathers! Divine condescension allows us to appropriate the picture to ourselves, and how blessedly instructive and consoling it is!

O for more trust; it cannot be too implicit: such a covert invites us to the most unbroken repose. SELAH. Rest we well may when we reach this point. Even the harp may be eloquently silent when deep, profound calm completely fills the bosom, and sorrow has sobbed itself into a peaceful slumber.

May we all find solace in the covert of His wings as we abide in His tender loving care.

FlowerLady Lorraine

Friday, December 21, 2012

I so miss . . .

 

The love of my life

and

being his wife!

When I was a little girl,

I prayed that God would give me someone to love,

and that he would love me.

God answered that little girls prayer.

I was blessed to have been loved

and to love someone very much.

FlowerLady Lorraine

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Trust in the Lord

Came across this a few minutes ago.  May it bless your heart as it did mine.

FlowerLady Lorraine

65 Years Young ~ 20 December

Today is the celebration of my dear husband’s 65th birthday. I am planning on having a little celebratory dinner tonight for the event. It is something to look forward to after coming home from a day at work.

Evenings and nights are the hardest on this journey. We used to sit down before dinner with a glass or two of wine and talk, talk, talk, laugh, encourage one another, or hash things out. Oh how I miss that! It is so dang QUIET here and it can be overwhelming at times.

We were together most of the time as he was more or less retired, taking care of our place, and I work part-time. There is plenty for me to do around here during the day and I have my moments of crying, I occasionally talk to DH and talk to God quite a bit throughout the day and I sometimes laugh at what my husband might say about something I’m trying to do. When it’s time to call it a day from those activities, the quietness bears down. (I don’t watch TV, I hate it. We were only watching Survivor, but didn’t even do that when he became bedridden.)

After a quiet supper, the kitchen gets cleaned up, I visit blogs, read emails and answer them, then read some. Right now I’m reading the book, From One Widow to Another and it is a great help to me. Plus I re-read that beautiful piece I found by Octavius Winslow, it really touches and blesses my heart.  The lovely widow who sent me the book I’m reading has a blog, and she asked if she could post that piece on her blog and now other widows are reading it and printing it out to have to read whenever they need it.  God is wonderful!

I haven’t really gotten back into doing my needlework projects just yet, but look forward to doing so soon.

Today my dear husband is celebrating his birthday with Jesus and oh the joy and the talking that must be going on there. I will raise my glass in a birthday toast to DH and to God also for the life together we were blessed with. I am thankful.

FlowerLady Lorraine

Sunday, December 16, 2012

A week ago today my love left this earth

Dear Friends ~ Thank you so much for your prayers, friendship, love and support this stress-filled week after DH’s homegoing.

How does one be thankful in the middle of deep sorrow?  Well, for me I start by thinking about what I am thankful for.  Here goes.

I am thankful for the love that started 46 years ago and continued to grow deeper and deeper right up until the end and will go on through eternity.

I am thankful that DH didn’t suffer long in the disease of cancer.  We did not know he had this and I am very thankful for that.

I am thankful for DH’s Ford van which is almost like new and as I was driving it the past two days I thought, wow, this van was bought for me when I would need it. We bought it in 2000 I think and it was only a year old. It was in great shape and still is as we didn’t drive it much. It has only 31,??? miles on it and runs great! I can throw curbside finds into the back, it has a.c. and heat. I love riding up high.

I am thankful I love to cook and bake. It has brought me much joy through the years. DH always complemented me on my meals. He  would also tell me if he didn’t really like something too. I kept notes in my cookbooks of what we thought. I will continue to do this thing that I love to do. I consider it a gift from God. I can cook up batches and freeze them to heat and eat later, more so than ever before.

I am thankful for God’s creation which gives me great joy, in colors, scents, textures, breezes, rain, birds that sing, flying flowers (butterflies) and oh so much more.

I am thankful for my faith in God, even though it is small at times and almost shrunk to nothing over these past four months. He is the author and finisher of my faith. It is a daily, moment to moment thing, this trusting in God to work all things out. He is my strength when I am weak.

I am thankful DH is healthy, happy and free. That really makes my heart soar with joy.

I am thankful for the love, friendship, prayers and support of so many people I have never met. It is amazing to me.

I am thankful for the love of family.

I am thankful for this new day and I ask Jesus to be my strength as I go about my daily doings.

May I let the peace of God rule my heart and be thankful in all things.

Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady Lorraine

Friday, December 14, 2012

Today

Good morning Friends ~ I woke up around 3 and decided to get up as I wasn't sleepy anymore. I got online, read some comments cried, wrote some emails, and am sipping on my second/last cup of coffee for the day while nibbling on a chocolate muffin.

I've got so many ideas running around in my head of things I want to do to continue on keeping up our little compound/haven here. They will keep me busy from here on out and I am glad. I see and feel DH everywhere and that is so comforting.

I got a lovely pkg. yesterday of 1 jar of spicy basil apple jelly and one of raspberry jam and a lovely note. The jars are sitting under my funky little Christmas tree. :-)

I am so itching to work with creating pieces for my Etsy shop. I sold a set of 4 miniature framed, embroidered and beaded hearts this week and that was the end of my needlework listed, so I need to get more uploaded. Will do it after Christmas. I've got pieces just about ready to go and my mind is working on creating even though my hands aren't quite doing so yet. Although, I did work on a small heart yesterday. I love hearts and flowers.

A few minutes ago I opened my Bible to Psalms and here is the verse meant for me today:

Psa 28:7  The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.

Maybe it will be the verse for you today also.

Again, let me say a heartfelt thank you for all of your love and support. You just don’t realize what that means to me.

Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady Lorraine

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Who Fills the Void?

 

Dear Friends,

I had a decent night's sleep last night. Went to bed around 8:30 up at 4, only waking up a couple of times and falling back to sleep.  After it was light out this morning, around 7:30, I went outside and since I had three hours before I had to leave for work, I decided to trim branches that were hanging into the driveway from the neighbors property. That felt so good, took me about an hour. Physical exercise to get my blood pumping.

I took it all out front and put in a nice stack, as the county picks up the brush tomorrow. They take it to their facility out west of town and grind it up into mulch which is then free to residents.

I am looking forward to working on different projects around our haven. A little here and there to keep me occupied and to accomplish things. One of the projects will be taking a couple of fold up chairs that have canvas seats and backs. I plan to sand down the wood and stain them, then use some quilted valances I bought cheap recently for the seats and backs.  They will look nice and are just right for the caravan. We were working on using stuff that we had on hand to make this thing as much as possible, trying to keep expenses to a minimum and we did that..

I did more hand sewing of our quilt squares last night. It is soothing. I look forward to the time when I can start adding the embellishments. :-)

I've had at least 3-4 crying jags so far today. They just come over you in waves, especially if someone says something to you, as has happened here at work, because people knew DH.

I do look forward to getting back to our little haven that we created from this crazy world that we live in. It takes me about 30 minutes to and from.

Whenever I had to leave DH while he was ill, to do errands, when I came home he always thanked God outloud for bringing me home safely.

Whenever I came back to bed from the bathroom during the night last night, I would look over to DH's side of the bed, used to seeing his shape, but alas it was flat and empty.  It’s awful and hits me all over again.

I keep reading and rereading that beautiful piece I found by Octavius Winslow. Here's the appropiate bit today.

***

And who is the object of the widow’s trust?
“In me,” says God.
None less than himself can meet your case.
He well considers that there is an acuteness in your sorrow,
a depth in your loss,
a loneliness and a helplessness in your position,
which no one can meet but himself.

The first, the best, the fondest,
the most protective of creatures
has been torn from your heart,
is smitten down at your side;
what other creature could now be a substitute?
A universe of beings could not fill the void:
God in Christ only can.

O! wonderful thought,
that the Divine Being
should come and embosom himself
in the bereft and bleeding heart
of a human sufferer—that bereft and bleeding heart of yours.

He is especially the God of the widow.
And when he asks your confidence,
and invites your trust,
and bids you lift your weeping eye
from the crumbled idol at your feet,
and fix it upon himself,
he offers you an infinite substitute for a finite loss;
thus, as he ever does,
giving you infinitely more than he took;
bestowing a richer and a greater blessing than he removed.

He recalled your husband,
but he bestows himself.
And O, the magnitude of this trust!
It is to have infinite power to protect you,
infinite wisdom to guide you,
infinite love to comfort you,
infinite faithfulness at all times to stand by you,
and boundless resources to supply your every need.

It is to have the God who made heaven and earth,
the God to whom the spirits of all creatures are subject,
the God who gave his dear Son to die for you,
the God of the everlasting covenant to be your shield,
your counsellor,
your provider,
your God forever and ever,
and your guide even unto death.

***

May I tuck these words into my heart, mind and soul.

FlowerLady Lorraine

A Morning Prayer

A Morning Prayer

Grant unto me, O Lord,
that with peace of mind
I may face all that this new day is to bring.

Grant unto me to dedicate myself completely to Thy Holy Will.
For every hour of this day,
instruct and support me in all things.

Whatsoever tidings I may receive during the day,
do Thou teach me to accept tranquilly,
in the firm conviction
that all eventualities fulfill Thy Holy Will.

Govern Thou my thoughts and feelings in all I do and say.
When things unforeseen occur,
let me not forget that all cometh down from Thee.

Teach me to behave sincerely and rationally toward every member of my family,
that I may bring confusion and sorrow to none.

Bestow upon me, my Lord,
strength to endure the fatigue of the day,
and to bear my part in all its passing events.

Guide my will and teach me to pray,
to believe,
to hope,
to suffer,
to forgive,
and to love.

Amen

*********

I read this prayer to my DH a morning or two before he left this earth, for his heavenly home.     When I finished, he said 'that was nice'.

It is a good prayer.

Today is the day the Lord hath made, may I rejoice and be glad in it.

FlowerLady Lorraine

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

In the wee hours of the morning

It is 2:16 a.m. I've been awake since a little after 1, laid there with Miss Tork on my chest until I had to get up. Laying in the dark can be scary. Well not totally in the dark as light comes in the front window through a bit of stained glass, plus I have the electric rose bush turned on and that sheds a nice reddish glow into the space. 

It is always in the wee hours of the morning that things can assail you. They come crashing on you with a heaviness that can't be denied. Your mind and heart race. I wanted to get up to come out here and read the piece I found about trusting in God. It makes me want to weep from something so profound that I don't even know how to describe it. This is a new place for me.

So many comments have been left in my other blog and in this one too about how strong I am, but I am not. I am weak, afraid, and feeling desolate. Any strength that I have is from God, the author and finisher of my faith.

Again, here are some bits from this piece by Octavius Winslow:

your concerns are to be entrusted to God

Your care will be his cares; 

your concerns will be his concern

your need the occasion of his supply; 

and your fears, perils, and dejection, the period of his soothing, protection, and love.

And just at this period of your life, when every object and every scene appears to your view trembling with uncertainty and enshrouded with gloom, God—the widow’s God—speaks in language well calculated to awaken in your soul a song in the night,—“LET THY WIDOWS TRUST IN ME.” O! have faith, then, in this word of the living God, and all will be well with you. It will be well with your person, it will be well with your estate.

God will lighten your cares and cheer the desolateness of your widowhood. Only trust in God.

The sweetest joy may yet spring from your bitter, lonely sorrow; and the richest music may yet awake from your unstrung and silent harp. If a human power and sympathy could “make the widow’s heart to sing for joy,” O! what joy cannot God’s power and love create in that desolate, bleeding, widowed heart of thine. Place it, then, all stricken and lonely as it is, in God’s hands; and, breathing over it his loving Spirit, he will turn its tears, its sighs, its moanings, into the sweetest midnight harmony. 

***

Today is a new day. Let me rejoice and be glad in it. Let me place everything into the hands of the living God.

FlowerLady Lorraine

Some Paperwork done today

Good afternoon Friends,

Today was a bit rough. I went back to the crematorium with DH’s honorable discharge and his ss #. Then I had to sign papers, order death certificates, pay the bill. I was really glad to leave the place. It was too ‘dead’ for me, pun intended. (DH would have liked that coming from me.) Yesterday when I was there with Nanci, the gentleman said DH would be in refrigeration, at the same time I said ‘on ice’. That again sounded so like DH. We had so much fun together. I’m not saying we didn’t have some rough spots, who doesn’t.  It’s how you deal with things, it’s about love, faith, forgiveness, encouragement, working well together, etc.

Yesterday morning I had a mild panic attack thinking about taxes and other stuff that I didn’t take care of before and will have to now. I had to take a few deep breaths and told myself to calm down.

All of this that happened this morning should take about 10 days to complete. That gives me some time to breathe and think about things. All in good time will things come about.

Today I am dismantling the day bed we had set up in our bedroom. I also found two rugs for the caravan, and was looking around in there to see what needs to be tackled one thing at a time. I’m hoping I can figure out how to hook up the lights in the ceiling. I found the instructions, I just have to cut the power to the caravan and follow them, then see if I did it right. I’ve helped DH so much over the years with all the building/construction projects here in our compound. Now I’ve got to learn how to use some small power tools and my inspiration for that is Funky Junk Interiors. Donna is a whiz at using power tools.

My boss just dropped by.  Brought homemade guacamole by his wife, from avocados  from their own tree. He gave me my Christmas bonus early, and he paid me for working this week. I’ll be working Thurs-Sat. I owed him for a day, but he went ahead and paid me for three days this week. We talked and cried and he said his wife would help me with the hospital paperwork, as that is what she does. So when that all starts trickling in I will, and am thankful for their help in that way. He said if there is anything that needs doing around here just make a list and he and my friend Nanci and her husband would do what they can to help me.

It is very warm and humid here today and I am so thankful the a.c. is working. That is amazing to me and I am thankful to God for that blessing.

That’s it for now.

FlowerLady Lorraine

Monday, December 10, 2012

What I found and needed this morning

I couldn’t sleep so got up around 2 a.m.,, made a cup of chamomile tea,  got online, read comments and cried, did some searching on widows and came across this beautiful piece.

http://www.reformedreader.org/rbb/winslow/godlywidow.htm

Octavius Winslow


"Let thy widows trust in me." —Jeremiah 49:11

.
It is well! All that he does, who speaks these touching words, is well. It is well with you, for he who gave in love, in love has taken away the mercy that he gave. The companion of your youth, the friend of your bosom, the treasure of your heart, the staff of your riper and the solace of your declining years, is removed, but since God has done it—it is, it must be well. Look now above the circumstances of your deep and dark sorrow, the second causes of your bereavement, the probable consequences of your loss,—God has done it; and that very God who has smitten, who has bereaved, and who has removed your all of earthly good, now invites you to trust in him. Chance has not brought you into this state; accident has not bereft you of your treasure; God has made you a widow, that you may confide in the widow’s God

.
With your peculiar case the word of God in a pre-eminent degree sympathizes. It would seem, indeed, as if a widow’s sorrow and a widow’s desolateness took the precedence of all other bereavements in the Bible. It is touched with a hand so gentle, it is referred to with a tenderness so exquisite, it is quoted with a solemnity so profound, it would seem as if God had taken the widow’s sorrow, if I may so express myself, into his heart of hearts. “Ye shall not afflict any widow,”—“He doth execute the judgment of the widow,”—“The sheaf in the field shall be for the widow,”— “He relieveth the widow,”—“He will establish the border of the widow,”—“A judge of the widow is God,”—“Plead for the widow,”— “If ye oppress not the widow,”—“Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, to visit the widows in their affliction,”—“Let your widows trust in me.” What a cluster of divine and precious consolations for the widow is here! How do their extraordinary appropriateness to her case, their extreme delicacy in dealing with her position, their especial regard for her circumstances; above all, their perfect sympathy with her lonely sorrow, betray the heart from whence they flow!


And who is the object of the widow’s trust? “In me,” says God. None less than himself can meet your case. He well considers that there is an acuteness in your sorrow, a depth in your loss, a loneliness and a helplessness in your position, which no one can meet but himself. The first, the best, the fondest, the most protective of creatures has been torn from your heart, is smitten down at your side; what other creature could now be a substitute? A universe of beings could not fill the void: God in Christ only can. O! wonderful thought, that the Divine Being should come and embosom himself in the bereft and bleeding heart of a human sufferer—that bereft and bleeding heart of yours. He is especially the God of the widow. And when he asks your confidence, and invites your trust, and bids you lift your weeping eye from the crumbled idol at your feet, and fix it upon himself, he offers you an infinite substitute for a finite loss; thus, as he ever does, giving you infinitely more than he took; bestowing a richer and a greater blessing than he removed. He recalled your husband, but he bestows himself. And O, the magnitude of this trust! It is to have infinite power to protect you, infinite wisdom to guide you, infinite love to comfort you, infinite faithfulness at all times to stand by you, and boundless resources to supply your every need. It is to have the God who made heaven and earth, the God to whom the spirits of all creatures are subject, the God who gave his dear Son to die for you, the God of the everlasting covenant to be your shield, your counsellor, your provider, your God forever and ever, and your guide even unto death.

And what are you invited thus to entrust to God? First, your own self. It is one of the greatest, as it is one of the most solemn peculiarities of the Gospel, that it deals with us as individuals. It never, in all the commands it enjoins, and in all the blessings it promises, loses sight of our individuality. This, then, is a personal confiding. You are to trust yourself into God’s hands; God seems now to stand to you in a new relation. He has always been your Father and your Friend. To these he now adds the relation of Husband. Your present circumstances seem to invest you with a new claim, not upon his love—for he has always loved you, as he loves you now—but upon his especial, his peculiar, his tender care; the affectionate solicitude of the husband blending with the tender love of the father. You are to flee to him in your helplessness, to resort to him in your loneliness, to confide to him your wants, and to weep your sorrows upon his bosom.

Your concerns are to be entrusted to God. These, doubtless, press at this moment with peculiar weight upon your mind. They are new and strange. They were once cared for by one in whose judgment you had implicit confidence, whose mind thought for you, whose heart beat for you, whose hands toiled for you, who in all things sought to anticipate every wish, to reciprocate every feeling; ‘who lessened his cares by your sympathy, and multiplied his pleasures by your participation;’ whose esteem, and affection, and confidence, shed a warm and mellow light over the path of life. These interests, once confided to his judgment and control, must now be entrusted to a wiser and more powerful friend,—to him who is truly and emphatically the widow’s God. Transferred to his government, he will make them all his own. Your care will be his cares; your concerns will be his concern; your children will be his children; your need the occasion of his supply; and your fears, perils, and dejection, the period of his soothing, protection, and love. And just at this period of your life, when every object and every scene appears to your view trembling with uncertainty and enshrouded with gloom, God—the widow’s God—speaks in language well calculated to awaken in your soul a song in the night,—“LET THY WIDOWS TRUST IN ME.” O! have faith, then, in this word of the living God, and all will be well with you. It will be well with your person, it will be well with your children, it will be well with your estate. The God who cared for the widow of Zarephath, the Saviour who had compassion on the bereaved widow of Nain, is your God and Saviour; and the same regard for your interests, and the same sympathy for your sorrow, will lighten your cares and cheer the desolateness of your widowhood. Only trust in God. Beware of murmuring at his dealings, of doubting his kindness, of distrusting his word, and of so nursing your grief as to refuse the consolation your God and Saviour proffers you. The sweetest joy may yet spring from your bitter, lonely sorrow; and the richest music may yet awake from your unstrung and silent harp. If a human power and sympathy could “make the widow’s heart to sing for joy,” O! what joy cannot God’s power and love create in that desolate, bleeding, widowed heart of thine. Place it, then, all stricken and lonely as it is, in God’s hands; and, breathing over it his loving Spirit, he will turn its tears, its sighs, its moanings, into the sweetest midnight harmony.

***

Today, my friend Nanci is taking me to the crematorium to take care of the next part of my journey.

Thank you all for your love and support. It means so much to me.

FlowerLady Lorraine

12-10-comfort-in-a-cup

Sunday, December 9, 2012

I am not alone

My heart aches from the loss of my dear husband of 43 years.  He passed into the next life at 10:12 this morning.
The scripture from the Bible that comes to me at this time is,
Casting all your care upon Him, for He careth for you.
Jesus has promised to never leave or forsake us, so even though I feel alone, I am not.
FlowerLady Lorraine